Dear Disney Consumer Products,
As a family who has purchased your movies, toys, pajamas, books, toothpaste, cups, costumes, fruit snacks, shoes and t-shirts, we want to thank you. We have thoroughly enjoyed them. Because we are faithful consumers who totally spoil our children with an excess of your products, we have a few gentle requests, if you would be so kind.
First, I must applaud the creative and cunning marketing team who develops your Sofia the First line of toys. Kudos on producing a boxed set of toys for each and every episode of the show. Your genius lies in this - essentially every single one is exactly the same, but with a few tiny, can't-find-them-anymore accessories, such as a tiny book, apple, hairbrush or tiara. Basically, at the end of the day, we have about 7 or so Sofia the First figures that look exactly the same. But, you got our attention. And our money.
I am completely fascinated by the number of small toy accessory molds that you must have in your production factories. I'm very interested to see the data analysis and related metrics that reveal how much you can increase your profit margin simply by including shoes, a jewel, a tiara and/or necklace. These tiny accessories may seem, to you, like a value-add, but in actuality they NEVER - I repeat, NEVER - stay on the character, and only serve to frustrate the child (and parent). Seriously--don't bother. Hair accessories, shoes, hats, teacups, wands and basically anything the character is supposed to hold or wear - please skip it.
The best part is that most of these figurines are targeted for ages 3 and up. Like a 3 year old is going to keep up with these tiny things! Actually, what will occur within 24 hours of purchase is the child will finish up playing with the doll by itself. But you found success in up-charging for all of that little useless flair, didn't you? Mission accomplished, Disney.
Your forever-loyal customer who will forever be in a love-hate relationship with you.
P.S. Please look forward to another gentle complaint letter from me soon, addressing your obsession with magic, evil and sorcery.
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