Dear Future Partner: Please Don't Scare The Hell Out Of Me With Your Marriage Proposal

Dear Future Partner,

What's up? It's cool that you're thinking about marrying me. Good call.

Every time I read about a marriage proposal where the guy surprises the woman in some ridiculous way — so much so that she ends up terrified or crying because she thought she was in a horrible balloon accident but actually her fiancé planned that balloon accident so he could propose to her when she fell to the ground — I just think, Fuck you, dude.