Dear Lulu Lemon,
I need you to grab this issue, and me, by the balls. Literally. I’ll sum it up bluntly and succinctly –
When it comes to making Yoga clothes for men, you have failed to deliver the goods.
Allow me to elaborate. I’ll start with an interaction I had recently with one of your retail Lulu Girls, standing in the men’s isle.
“Why is your men lineup so boring?” I asked. “All men’s clothes are either green, blue, gray or black?!”
As much as the young Lulu girl wanted to help me, I could tell she did not know what so say. “Men like boring colors?...” she hesitantly answered.
Sorry, I didn’t get the memo.
Lulu, visiting the men’s section in your stores makes me feel like I am being punished for not being a woman. The store is overflowing with colorful, beautiful fabrics – all for the humans without penises. Those of us who happen to be men get shoved into a tiny area featuring soulless, colorless athletic wear that remind me of elementary school uniform.
Here’s the deal. If I wanted a blue pair of shorts that hang down to my knees I would buy them at Sport Authority for a fraction of the price you ask. In fact, they have a better selection than you do.
I’ll share a secret with you. Men who do Yoga are gender integrated. Yoga is about yoking Mind, Body and Spirit - If you’re a man who visits the mat regularly, you’re tapping into your emotions sooner or later. As an integrated man I want to express myself through my Yoga apparel just like women do. Not just on the mat, but everywhere – Yogawear is an expression of a lifestyle, not an exercise accessory. You know this more than anyone else – and yet you seem to have forgotten it when it comes to the Men’s section. And frankly, Lulu, you are missing on an entire market which is rapidly growing.
Men yogis want colors. Not dots, or leopard patterns; We are gender-integrated, not Women with penises. We want splashes of color in bold, strong tones, like bloody deep red, rusty orange or wood yellow. Splashes, not thin outlines – We want our clothes to express passion and vitality, which Yoga brings out in us.
If the form was the only issue, Lulu, I wouldn’t be writing this article. But the real problem starts with the function.
Take note - When I do Yoga, I want less material, not more. The baggy, over-sized, athletic masculine trend does not belong on the Yoga mat. I don’t want to move the excess material from under my thigh every time I land in a seated pose after after a Vinyasa. Long shorts get caught on my sweaty knees as I stand up from Utkatasana. And sorry, but the thin under-layer which you designated to replace my briefs does not grab my balls tight enough as I move through my practice, which means I still have to wear my underwear, ending up with three layers on my body. Very hot, especially in an Ashtanga studio heated to 85 degrees. Oh, and lastly - the rubber at the end of the liner is pulling on my body hair. Yes, I said it. And yes, it fucking hurts.
So as you see Lulu - as it stands, you are making it very hard for me to love you or your Yoga apparel; I don’t even like it, to be completely honest.
Here’s what I want, unsolicitedly speaking on behalf of all Yoga-practicing Men in the west –
Make pants which will grab my balls.
Conceal my package using color patterns or a design, so my teacher won’t have to stare at it when she adjusts me.
Do it in a skillful and a minimalist manner. I know, it’s an art; But that’s why you get to charge $60 for a pair of shorts.
Design Men's apparel - for the mat and beyond - that say – Yoga is not for pussies.
Make clothes I love, Lulu, and I’ll beg, borrow or steal money to buy them. Well, not steal… that would be un-yogic. But I won’t bat an eye spending the tiny fortune you ask for your apparel.
For now, the beloved camouflage shorts that my wife scored for me at the woman’s isle at the local thrift shop (for $3.99, I might add) will do just fine. At least until they wear thin, or a competitor of yours will pick up the glove - realizing the potential of this rapidly growing market - men who do yoga. (Nike? Anyone?)
Yours,
Ovadya
#HelpMeLoveYou #lululemon #yoga #Nike