(Marty Fleck is a self-help guru, the author of the international bestseller Where Can I Stow My Baggage? and the syndicated column "Baggage Handling." He is also the pseudonymous protagonist of Bill Scheft's new novel Everything Hurts. He has generously agreed to answer questions from readers of the Huffington Post every Wednesday and Friday.)
Dear Marty Fleck,
My wife has been bugging me to look for a job since the beginning of the year. I have tried to make her understand that in a spiritual sense I am not out of a job and that if I am open to the universe more will be revealed. And if it's a new job, so be it. Isn' t this the kind of self-care you people talk about?
N. Cumbent, Edina, Minn.
Dear "N. Cumbent,"
N. Cumbent? Oh, for Christ sake, Norm, just let it go and let Al Franken have the gig.
Hey, I'm as spiritual as the next guy. If the next guy is signing the royalty checks for my international best seller, Where Can I Stow My Baggage? As the Buddhists say, the journey is the destination. And Norm, your destination is historical footnote. You've been Buddhed out.
The people of Minnesota have spoken. And spoken. Gone fishing, come back and spoken again. They want full representation in Washington. They want a new voice. A voice that complains on their behalf until somebody writes a check to make it go away. They want a Jew. This Election Night has gone on way too long and it ain't funny anymore. Too long and not funny anymore? If that isn't an endorsement for the SNLguy, then shave my head and call me Jeff Zucker.
You don't even look like a Senator anymore. You look like the guy in front of the organ store in the Mall of America. And those teeth. You could be John Elway's less successful brother, Jim Belushi Elway.
And by the way, thanks for referring to me and my self-help brethren as "you people." It takes a special kind of person to condescend while asking for help. My people have a name for that: LOSER.