Being a gay Mormon has never been easy; two core parts of your identity -- your sexual orientation and your faith -- conflict. Within one's self this conflict is already hard to settle but add to it the rejection from society and one's religious community and it becomes unbearable at times. My growing up as a Mormon and coming out as gay has been a journey, a really hard journey that I am still on. When I came out, unlike many other LGBTQ Mormons I know, my family was fairly receptive to me and for the most part showed me love. I came out to a Dad whose unconditional love is pillar of strength in my life. I told my Mom who is still grappling with what this means for her child. "Will he remain active in the church?" "Will he date guys or live a life of celibacy?" These are questions she has pondered over and still ponders.
My coming out story gives a little bit of background to the main issue of this post -- the recent policy change by the LDS church. Most Mormons (particularly those in the LDS/LGBTQ community) are aware of the recent policy change from the LDS Church in which clear guidelines are set for LGBTQ members and their families. The policy change (which is included in the handbook for LDS leadership) states that being in a homosexual marriage now meets the church's definition of apostasy. The policy change also affects children raised by same-sex couples -- they are now not allowed to be baptized until they reach 18. In order to then be baptized they must disavow the practice of homosexuality, move out of their parent's home and receive permission from the church's top leadership, the First Presidency.
These two changes (particularly the first one) may not come as a surprise to many -- the LDS church has often reminded us where they stand when it comes to marriage. They believe marriage to be strictly between one man and one woman. Even though it is clear what the church teaches, this policy change hit the LDS/LGBTQ community like a tidal wave, seeming to affect almost everyone in one way or another. Here I am, a gay Mormon watching this all unfold. I admit I was surprised by the change, but not nearly as much as others. I had known where the church stood and since a young age was very doubtful they'd ever come around to fully accepting homosexuality. I told myself a long time ago, when I was still coming to terms with being gay, that I would not let the LDS church (particularly what the leadership said) affect me and my thoughts of self worth and happiness. I continue to make a conscious choice to disconnect myself from what I hear in the oftentimes misguided and hurtful things the LDS church says in regards to LGBTQ issues. However when news of this policy came to light I couldn't push away the rhetoric any more. Now more than ever the line in the sand had been drawn and for me that was heartbreaking. It was incredibly painful to see the church I knew reject me and so many others in the LDS/LGBTQ community. I cried not just for myself but for the many families I know personally who are basically being told "You're not welcome in our church" "We won't let your children get baptized, they are not wanted" "Your marriage is not a valid marriage, we see you and your spouse as apostates" How does one cope with this level of rejection?
For myself I realize I'll be ok, after being out for nearly three years I've built a pretty good sized community of accepting and loving friends, family, and people who care for me. I know my family loves me and that won't ever change. However, how will this policy change affect the life of that queer Mormon kid sitting in the congregation wondering if she'll ever be welcomed in the pews? How about the young gay man who so desperately wants to bring his new boyfriend home so they can meet his family, his Mormon family? How will they react? Will they welcome the new couple with open arms or reject them? What about the trans individual who grows up in a church where they are told gender is essential yet their assigned gender doesn't match who they really are? Will their mother still love them when they come out as trans? Will their Mormon father who's a bishop let them wear the clothes they feel comfortable in and call them by their preferred pronouns? In the aftermath of all this I have hope it'll be ok for me, but I ask what will happen to the other young queer Mormons? Will they be left behind? Will the leadership leave the 99 to go after the one? It is my sincere hope that members and leaders of the LDS church will do as Christ taught -- that they will extend love, pure and unfeigned, to our LGBTQ brothers and sisters.