Dear NRA, Please Put Me on Your Enemies List

WASHINGTON - FEBRUARY 18:  Wayne LaPierre, executive vice president of the National Rifle Association speaks to attendees of
WASHINGTON - FEBRUARY 18: Wayne LaPierre, executive vice president of the National Rifle Association speaks to attendees of the 37th Annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) on February 18, 2010 in Washington, DC. LaPierre was the last speaker of the day at the conservative conference. (Photo by Robert Giroux/Getty Images)

The National Rifle Association has an extensive enemies list, and I am, frankly, insulted that I am not on it. The list is sorely lacking. Politicians favoring gun regulations are absent, as are this thing we have in the digital era called websites. Addicting Info would be a nice addition, not to mention Occupy the NRA. I have a little site called Liberaland that isn't exactly an NRA press shop. Maybe if they spent less time playing shoot-em-up and gave The Google an occasional whirl, they'd know what century it is. Some of the people on the list are actually dead. I loved Nora Ephron and Jill Clayburgh, but they're not currently setting the world on fire. Nor is the late soap star John Ingle. I may not be the biggest name, nor am I the most important voice speaking out against the NRA's foolish, out-of-touch positions, but at least I'm operating above room temperature. HELLO!

Some of the NRA's "enemies" are groups like Hadassah, the U.S. Catholic Conference, and the YWCA. At least all major religions are covered. Then you have your evil, gun-hating corporations like Sara Lee. Sara Lee? I suppose their new slogan will have to be "Nobody Doesn't Like Sara Lee, Except The National Rifle Association." The Kansas City Royals made the list. I never knew they took a position on gun control. And there's the more-predictable Ben and Jerry's (new flavor: Glock-y Road). Under entertainers you have your Rob Reiners and Barbra Streisands, right along with Boyz II Men and the Temptations. The Temptations? Really? There have been at least 22 members of the Temptations since the group was formed in 1960, and some of them, like the beloved Ephron and Clayburgh, are dead. But again, as for being on the NRA enemies list, breathing is not a prerequisite.

I think I'd fit in nicely on the part of the list featuring those who editorialize about guns. This is another way I have a leg up on The Temptations -- who I don't think usually sing about lethal weapons -- and those who are dead, who have not lately weighed in. Since it's alphabetical, I could be seamlessly tucked in between Marie Cocco and E.J. Dionne, Jr. if it wouldn't be too much trouble.

If anybody keeping score for the NRA sees this, thank you very much for your consideration.