By Sloane Bradshaw
I recently had the, um, pleasure of meeting my husband's new girlfriend. Yes. I said "my husband's new girlfriend." This is the woman he moved in with immediately after he left me three months ago with a couple of young kids and a part-time job. Keep in mind: I wouldn't have ever agreed to meet this woman if there weren't kids involved. (You can't have your kids off with a total stranger, now can you?) I insisted on a face-to-face and let's just say, it didn't go well. In fact, nothing went well with this woman from day one.
So, I thought I'd be the bigger person and reach out to all the "other women" out there and offer some sage advice from the wife of the man they now call their own. (See how nice I am?)
Fine, I'll admit it: I'm bitter. But so what? Consider this part of my therapy.
Here we go...
1. I'm still married to the guy. So keep your butt out of our business until we can finalize our divorce. And yes, that includes our child visitation schedule, thankyouverymuch.
2. Don't insist on reading all the texts I send him. It's stalkery and sad.
3. Stop thinking that I want this loser back. Cuz, nope.
4. Don't push to be part of his children's lives, and for God's sake, don't make his kids share their precious visitation time with you.
5. I have kids, so, unfortunately, I'm going to have to meet you. When it's time, don't show up looking like some kind of model.
6. Or worse, like Pennsatucky from Orange Is The New Black (shudder).
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7. Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to the man I'm still married to (who *newsflash* fathered my children) to interject your two cents. You are not part of our relationship.
8. Don't expect me to consider your feelings or place them above my own or my children's. Not even for one minute. Or one second. You don't matter to me.
9. You slept with my husband and broke up my family. The odds of me ever respecting you are slim to none, especially if you've done anything on this list. You are more than welcome to try to earn my respect.
10. But here's the best advice I can give to someone like you: Don't be the other woman. Seriously. Otherwise, you'll get exactly what that type of person deserves: my sh*tty husband. Congratulations.
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