Dear Santa, Can You Bring A Mom Some Things She Really Needs?

It would give you a chance to make up for that Chatty Cathy doll I never did get.
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Dear Santa:

Hi, I hope this letter finds you and Mrs. Claus in good health.

I bet you’re wondering why a middle-aged married woman with two teenagers and a tween would feel compelled to write to you. After all, it’s been quite a few years since I even really believed in you. (Sorry about that, by the way.)

But as I’ve been looking through catalogs and searching websites for gifts for my kids, niece and nephews, it occurred to me that technology has really progressed from 1972. Back then, it was a big deal that my dollhouse had working lights and my Barbie could talk if you pulled a string. Now, you can buy things that order a pizza for you via voice command.

I’m thinking you might just be the one who could help me locate a few things I’ve been wanting for a while. And if you can’t, maybe there’s an elf or two who’s dreaming of starting a tech firm ― this might spark an idea or two.

Plus, it would give you a chance to make up for that Chatty Cathy doll I never did get.

Please know any one of these items would be appreciated. Not just by me, but by mothers everywhere.

I would like a GPS to find the body I had before I had three children. I have looked for it at various weight loss programs, gyms and a host of workout DVDs, but I can’t find it anywhere. I’m getting desperate. HELP!

I would like an app that allows my children to remember what I told them five minutes ago. I realize my mother asked for something similar when I was a kid, but technology has come so far since then that I’m thinking this really should be doable in 2017.

Extra memory would be a great gift and so helpful for my parenting. My own memory card is so used and old that I can no longer remember my kids’ names. I call them by various terms of endearment and, of course, their siblings’ names. Now that my youngest is insisting that I only call him by his full name, I’m running out of options.

I could really use an upgrade on patience. As I mentioned, in less than six months I will have three teenagers living under my roof. Need I say more?

A “pause” button. My children are growing up so fast. The kid who got a ride-on car for Christmas when he was 2 now legally drives a real one. My youngest still likes me and thinks I have, if not all, then at least most of life’s answers. I know from experience that’s not going to last. I would love to be able to just freeze a few of these moments before I no longer can remember what it’s like to solve one of my kids’ problems with a little understanding and a hug.

I would like a power cord that allows me to plug it in whenever my battery is low. Having three kids — not to mention going through menopause — means I don’t get a lot of sleep. My original power supply is in sorry shape.

Finally, could you slip some gratitude into my stocking? I know I could use it. I have so much to be thankful for. Too often I let the day-to-day grind keep me from remembering.

You might be wondering why I didn’t ask you for world peace, an end to diseases that have taken too many people I love, and an end to all human suffering. Please understand I leave those things for a higher power. I know that’s not your gig.

Wishing you, Mrs. Claus, the elves, and the reindeer a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

One very hopeful mom

This piece was originally published on Kathy’s site, My Dishwasher’s Possessed!