There's been a lot of hand-wringing over the Supreme Court's decision to blow the lid off corporate campaign contributions and overwrite a century's worth of legal doctrine on the issue. The decision, of course, is predicated on the notion of "corporate personhood" - the idea that corporations are entitled to the same rights as so-called "natural" persons. In this case, the Court decided that this was a matter of protecting corporate-persons' (I like to call them "corporate-Americans") right to free speech, given that speech is money (which should explain to those that know me why I choose to talk so much).
But I, for one, am delighted by the decision. I believe it's long overdue. Corporate-persons have
long faced discrimination, and I am sick to death of seeing any kind of person singled out for any sort of discrimination in our society.
In fact, I hope the Supreme Court doesn't just stop with speech, as there is clearly so much more to be done to fully guarantee corporate-persons the rights to "life liberty and the pursuit of happiness" that their fellow persons enjoy under our beloved Constitution. Here are just a few of the more egregious ways our society has institutionalized its bigotry against this singularly downtrodden class of person:
- Marriage equality and the right to a family! Nowhere are corporate-persons more discriminated against than in these areas, so fundamental as they are to what makes us all persons. If I went down to the courthouse to fill out a marriage license for myself and RiteAid, I wouldn't just be denied, I would likely be mocked. It's time to end the discrimination, as all persons should be equal in the eyes of the law. Not only should I be able to wed the person of my choice, we should be able to adopt, since it's likely that RiteAid and I won't be able to naturally conceive. Perhaps we might choose to start our family with the adoption of an abandoned inner city infant. Perhaps we'd adopt a small chain of convenience stores as well (I've already picked out names!)
Along these lines, I daresay I hope I'll live to see the first corporate-american President. After the court's decision this week, I feel more optimistic than ever that we're on the way (so long as a valid American birth certificate can be produced, of course).
I thank god that the Supreme Court, in its unquestionable wisdom and undeniable logic, has taken another major step towards righting these, and other wrongs. In fact, I'm starting a new corporation - a nonprofit, actually - to further the Supremes' message and continue the struggle.
I'll be sure to let readers know when the christening will be held.