As former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton continues to struggle in the polls, Democratic leaders have announced plans to exhume the body of 1952 and 1956 Presidential nominee Adlai Stevenson to run for the Oval Office. "It's clear we need a truly intellectual and principled candidate," said Anyone But Wink Wink Nudge Nudge spokesperson Malcolm Flagler. "And I have it on good authority that Stevenson's dying wish was to come back from the grave fifty years after his death and compete against an established Democratic candidate whose inevitability is seriously challenged."
Democratic insiders immediately hailed Stevenson's credentials and his charmingly well-worn shoes, while scholars and historians noted the Constitution says nothing about living people who were once previously dead being ineligible to serve as President. Others, however, like resurrection consultant E. Clive Lovecroft, said:
They laughed at me at Playing God University when I insisted we have the technology to bring politicians back to life. They laughed! Well, who's laughing now? But...should we bring them back? Do we have the wisdom? Can we accept the responsibility and endure the consequences? And why not Thomas E. Dewey? And why can't we find a Democratic contender under the age of sixty-five? All is to be obliterated in an ignominious grave; and I the cause!
As Lovecroft was tazed, he added that even in his present buried condition, Stevenson is still more charismatic than Al Gore.