After taking over 15 years off from dating, a former client-turned-dear friend started dating again at the ripe age of 65. Once she was back in the saddle she was insatiable, juggling lovers in multiple states and having the time of her life (which is really saying something, seeing as she took full advantage of all that free love in the 60s).
One day while discussing her newest prospects she gleefully declared, "Dick is abundant!" She claims the phrase came from a friend of hers, who I'm pretty sure got it from this fantastic article by Alana Massey. "Dick is abundant and low value," Massey says again and again, a mantra in the face of Millennial guys that can't get their heads out of their asses. Chivalry is certainly dead, but dick is abundant -- the modern lady looking for love (or no-strings attached sex) need not settle for lazy cave boys with zero communication skills.
Amen, sister. I don't want no scrubs.
I've spent a lot of time the last year working on my "money mindset," learning how to maintain an expectation of abundance rather than scarcity, ala the ever-popular and oft-misunderstood Law of Attraction. I pay more attention to what comes in than what goes out. I say things like "money flows to me and through me" to remind myself that it comes and it goes and there will always be enough. This does not in any way mean that I don't have tight times -- I am a freelancer after all -- but it does mean that I don't get (as) stressed out about it. And I have a genuine sense of gratitude for all the non-material abundance in my life, which keeps me feeling prosperous and taken care of, even when my checking account balance dips into the single digits.
Despite all this focus on abundance, it only recently occurred to me that one can have a scarcity mindset when it comes to dating, and that such a position is likely the root of all dating-related suffering. It leads to grasping, settling, and general what-the-fuckness around men and their "bad" behavior.
You meet someone who checks a lot of boxes. They are almost perfect. Almost. But you know it isn't right... something about them just doesn't do it for you. This could be a raging drinking problem or their not-so-subtle tendency to treat you like their psycho ex. But you hang in there. Sometimes you even get wrapped right around the axel, terrified that they may decide they aren't into you before you have the balls to own that you aren't really into them.
I watch my girlfriends do this all the time. They hem and haw over someone who they know isn't right, wondering if he may be right and they're just not getting it or if he's as right as anyone ever will be.
We cling to things we don't really want because we're afraid it might be the only thing we get.
Because we're scared there isn't enough.
But dick is abundant. And if you can really relax into that reality, really trust that there will always be someone else, a couple magical and delightful things happen:
1. You stop trying to make every connection the connection. And this allows all parties involved some room to breathe and be real.
2. Your energy shifts--you become the ever-attractive cool, confident girl.
3. The constant fear and anxiety over finding "the one" (or being someone's one) is replaced by a joyous, playful curiosity that makes every interaction, big or small, exciting and enough.
Dick is abundant. So is love. And if you can get that--really get that--then the good times will be, too.