I cannot brush my hair today
There is no time, there is no way.
I have a toddler and new twins too
If I'm not wiping poop I'm giving boob.
It's not that I'm not fond of showers
I would if I could, if I had the power.
My legs are stiff, my nipples cracked
I think my whole body has been hacked.
Oh what I wouldn't do for a mani/pedi
I'd regift every gift I got from my wedding.
My teeth are rotting, my temples graying
My va-jay-jay hair is up for braiding.
I don't know what it's like to chillax
That must be why I forgot to wax.
My eyebrows are as thick as Frida's
My legs so hairy I'm protected by PETA.
I can't remember how it feels down there
Nor do I recall what it's like to care.
My lingerie is fifty shades too small
I think my husband eloped with his doll.
The kitchen's a mess; the dishes are piled
The bills are unopened and my taxes unfiled.
My toddler watches Nick Junior from morn to night
I doze and wake to its flickering light.
I haven't slept solidly since I don't know when
I pray for sleep, please Lord, amen.
My sight is hazy, and my ears are -- wait.
What's that? What's that you say?
You say... a babysitter is on the way?
G'bye.
I am going out today!