I have been working so hard on this book campaign, that I forget why I am doing this, why I wrote a book. I am completely clueless and I feel as if I am walking through a dark night with little to no light to direct me, but somehow I am managing to figure everything out on my own. When I say on my own I don’t mean I am by myself with no friends or supporters, I mean as a single person with no one to turn to when things get hard or when things go well. No one to bounce ideas off of or anyone to ask advice. So I turn to my readers, my letters, my words. The other day I was informed by my publicist that I needed a website. If I was going to be on the radio for many to hear, I needed to be able to send them to a place where they could read more about me, my story, and what my plans for my book would be. At this point in my life as an adult, Facebook would no longer cut it. I have a website, but it was hidden under my Wordpress blog and I knew it needed professional help to uncover it. I called a few friends asking questions, collecting data. After searching and discovering a few things, I ended up in a meeting last night with a friend who knows what she is doing. We spoke on the phone yesterday and made a plan. After my workout, I sat in my car and plugged in the address to the hotel we were meeting at. Understand that in Austin everything is cool. Coffee shops, car dealerships, and hotels. You can meet anywhere at any time and you would never look out of place. This hotel located downtown, is open to day drinkers and night swimmers even if you are not staying at the hotel. We have met there before and it was a great meeting spot. As I drove to the meeting, I listened to my GPS guiding my direction and I jammed out to the sounds blaring out of my Bose speaker system in my car. I pulled up to the hotel valet and with a full tank of gas and the GPS coming to an end, I hopped out and handed my keys to the valet. My laptop in hand and a Tory Burch on my arm, I walked through the door of this Austin chic hotel and made my way to the lobby. Looking around at the floor to ceiling windows, the modern furniture, and hearing the full bar of Austinites, I took a seat, put away my valet ticket and settled in the chair I sat on. For a minute or two I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I realized how far I have come. I used to rely on the man in my life to help me get where I needed to be. I was almost incapable of taking care of myself. I have not felt so comfortable or at home in my life for a long time, if ever. I melted into the air, the atmosphere. I became one with my surrounds and I felt safe. I was no longer afraid of just being. I was no longer afraid of getting in trouble for being in a public space without permission. The scent in the air was a familiar one, but even now I can’t place it. If I could bottle it, stick a wick in it, and sell it, I would most likely call it home. The freedom I have discovered makes me emotional. Unless you have been where I have been you will never understand how alert I am to everything. How in tune I am to my feelings. I found freedom in my phone dying and not worrying about getting in trouble or missing a call. Freedom in talking to people of the opposite sex and not feeling guilty. Freedom in getting in my car without checking in with anyone to make sure its ok that I leave, that I live my life. Over the past three years I have discovered so much freedom.
As I sat there with my friend, both of us in the professional zone, I said words like author photo. Release date. Publishing company. Editor. Publicist. And it was easy. Comfortable. We picked out colors and pictures and realized we had been creating for 6 hours. Then tacos. Breakfast tacos at 10:30 pm. I am living a life I never expected and I didn't expect to fall in love with myself. I love who I am. I am fun. Funny. Creative.
As we chatted friend updates over breakfast tacos outside on a patio in the heart of Austin, Texas on a cooler than usual night, I didn’t look around for a surprise visitor. I didn't relentlessly check my phone or rush out because I was afraid of missing curfew or a call. We slowly wrapped it up and walked back to the cars, I again settled into a life where abuse is no longer present. We crossed the street and continued to chat and as we got to her car, she went her way I went mine. I handed over my ticket to the valet and waited for my car. Watching my car pull up to a secure spot, happiness flooded my veins. I handed over a tip, plugged in my phone, hit the GPS and I was off. I watched as the city lights and buildings behind me became smaller and smaller in my rearview and I headed home. As the roads became less and less crowded with cars and pedestrians, and eventually becoming full of wooded areas, trees, and wildlife, I settled on the fact that everything I went though I went through it for a reason. I turned up my radio, sat back, pressed on the gas, and let the now dark winding roads lead me home and I let go of everything bring me down. I am on my way...see you soon.
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