By Laura Miolla for YourTango.com
It's difficult to know where to turn when you're faced with divorce. Few of us have any prior experience with the legal ins and outs associated with this difficult process. In my divorce coach practice, I've heard too many stories of time and money wasted as clients go through lawyer after lawyer trying to find the right one. And yet, finding the right divorce lawyer is key to what could be a faster, less-expensive divorce, compared to a long, drawn-out emotional and financial nightmare. But if you don't know what to look for in a divorce lawyer, how do you know you're investing all of your money, hopes and dreams in the right one?
Follow these seven steps to find the divorce attorney that's the right fit for you:
1. Be realistic.
First, you need to realize that divorce is a legal process with the sole purpose of dissolving your assets and resolving custody issues. Your divorce attorney's job is to represent you to the best of his or her ability in this process. While you might want them to listen to your anger, frustration, pain and sadness, that is not their job. They are not trained to be your therapist or coach, and they don't want to be. Since your attorney has higher rates and the clock is always running, it's a gross misuse of your money if this is how you're using them. And divorce attorneys have seen it all. What seems immensely important to you might barely register for them within the scope of the legal process. So be realistic about the role of your divorce attorney, and what you can expect from them.
2. Stay focused on the goal.
Your ultimate goal in this process is to get divorced, and hopefully you can do so without any major depreciation of your lifestyle. Don't let your emotions jump in and run rampant when it comes to negotiating over material things that don't mean much to you in the big picture. If you do, your divorce will be longer, more litigious, and definitely more expensive than otherwise. Is it worth it? No. So keep your focus on getting divorced as quickly, and with as little financial damage, as possible. Ask yourself, what kind of divorce will do that for me?
3. Know what you want.
Before you rush out to hire a divorce attorney, consider other alternatives to traditional litigation. If you aren't completely entangled with children and finances, you could hire a mediator to help you negotiate the terms of your divorce. Mediation is the fastest, cheapest way to get divorced, and you might not need to hire an attorney at all! If your negotiation is more complicated, you'll have to hire a divorce lawyer to negotiate a settlement with your spouse's attorney. Or you could consider a collaborative divorce. A collaborative divorce is focused on negotiation with the goal of preserving a co-parenting relationship. Your last resort is a litigated trial. Typically, these are the cases when neither side will compromise. So you need to determine what type of divorce attorney you need based on your unique circumstances. Realize that any divorce attorney you talk to will try to steer you in the direction of their own specific expertise. It's up to you to know what you want first, so you can make the right choice.
4. Identify at least three potential attorneys.
Don't jump to hire the first lawyer you meet. They are not all the same. Find at least three divorce attorneys that you can interview before making your decision. Clearly, you need to hire a lawyer that specializes in family law and one that's experienced in the specific type of divorce you think is best for you. The ideal attorney has the legal knowledge and experience you need, helps you understand the process, communicates and negotiates well, solves problems creatively and is experienced in your specific court system. So you need one that's local to you. Regardless of whether or not your divorce is headed to trial, your attorney needs to be experienced with the family law judges in your jurisdiction so that he or she can advise you appropriately on legal strategy. How do you find potential attorneys? Ask you friends for personal recommendations. Ask your trust or estate lawyer for divorce attorney recommendations. Go online to the numerous websites that provide client reviews of attorneys local to you.
5. Interview and research potential attorneys.
Start with an initial phone call. Ask them about their experience and specialization within family law. Ask them about what type of client they typically represent. Ask them about their rates. Most divorce lawyers charge an hourly fee and require a retainer -- a fee charged in advance. Some lawyers will also negotiate fees based on anticipated settlements. Don't waste your time (or theirs) on a meeting if they're out of your cost range. Most divorce attorneys provide a free consult to discuss your specific situation and what their legal approach would be. So take advantage of it to gather as much legal advice as possible! Typically, the attorney you meet with will not be handling the day-to-day issues related to your case, so ask to meet the colleague or associate that would. The divorce process can also include financial experts, parenting coordinators, coach facilitators, and forensic appraisers. Find out your attorney's access to these resources and if any would be relevant to your case, as it will affect overall cost. And even if you have no intention of heading to trial, look at the attorney's trial record and history of success in court. This track record is an indicator of your attorney's success in negotiation.
6. Look for red flags.
Unfortunately, many attorneys will tell you what you want to hear just to close the deal. While this is your life, it's a business for them. There are no guarantees in this process, so if an attorney is making promises, don't believe it. If an attorney talks about high-profile clients or divulges confidential information based on other cases, it's highly likely they'll do the same to you. If they aren't respectful of other divorce attorneys you're interviewing, it's a sign that they won't be to you either. And if during your consult, they're constantly distracted by phone calls and emails and can't focus their sole attention on you, they likely won't during your divorce case. Make sure the lawyer you choose acts according to the professional ethics of the industry and treats you with the respect and attention you deserve. This might be their business, but it's your life.
7. Make your choice.
The divorce attorney you choose to represent you is local, professional, knowledgeable, responsive and communicates well. This attorney is someone you trust and feel comfortable with. This attorney supports your basic philosophy toward divorce and has a style that works for you. This attorney recognizes the importance of your children and puts them first in the legal process by not making unreasonable child support demands or custody arrangements. This attorney is affordable. Divorce is a highly personal and emotional process, the outcome of which can have a significant impact on your life. This is an important decision, and there are no guarantees in this process. However, if you follow these steps, you'll find the right one -- the one who listens to what you want, advises you well and has your best interest at heart.
Laura Miolla is a Separation and Divorce Coach who helps people find clarity, empowerment and confidence in the difficult divorce process. Use coaching to make better decisions in your divorce, achieve better outcomes, and lower the cost. Contact Laura for your free, 60-minute confidential consultation at firstname.lastname@example.org or http://www.moxielifecoach.com.
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