If you feel as though you are in a downward spiral as a result of your divorce, you’re not alone. Whether you finalized your divorce last week or decades ago, it may be time to get another one.
“From who?” you’re probably wondering, trying to recall just how much you had to drink during that last date you went on four months ago. You don’t remember winding up in a chapel in Vegas... Besides, didn’t Nora Ephron once say, “Marriages come and go, but divorce is forever?” So, what gives?
Following a divorce from your spouse, the person you must divorce next is you.
Let me explain.
Most of us have heard of the Law of Attraction, the principle by which everything in our lives manifests. According to the Law of Attraction, the beliefs we have influence what, and who, we attract into our lives. Because the Law of Attraction is constantly in play, training ourselves to pay close attention to our thoughts and then shift them when they become negative can significantly impact the quality of our life.
Everything in the universe is made up of energy which vibrates at a particular frequency. As intelligent living organisms, our vibrations can change based on what we focus on, meaning if we interpret what someone says as an insult or a slight, for instance, we will likely respond to that person based on this belief, setting our entire interaction in motion. Depending on who you’re interacting with, the effects can have long lasting consequences, especially as you parent after divorce.
Children of divorce look to their parents for cues about how to feel or act. If you’re constantly in a bad mood, feel bad about yourself, or bash your spouse, your kids are going to pick up on that negative energy and give it right back to you. Depending on the ages of the children involved, such behavior may manifest itself as temper tantrums, outbursts, disobedience, or depression. If on the other hand, you make a conscious effort to come down the stairs each morning with a smile on your face and a positive attitude, your children will pick up on that as well.
The same principle applies to the relationships you have with love interests and platonic friends. If you’re not having much success in your dating life and continually attract partners who don’t treat you well, it may be because you’re not treating yourself well or don’t believe that you deserve to be treated well by someone else. Similarly, if you only find yourself friends with individuals who hold a grudge or have a chip on their shoulder, it’s likely you’ve already adopted this world view and have attracted these people to you as a result.
The first step toward changing who you attract into your life is to identify the negative energy around you and cut ties with it (or them). You next need to take a good hard look at yourself and evaluate why it is you’re feeling the way you are. Are you sad? Are you angry? Are you insecure? Why? If you need assistance evaluating your feelings, it can be beneficial to seek support from a mental health professional.
Once you have identified your thought processes, you can then go about changing them. The best way to do that is to surround yourself with people who lift you up as well as objects that put you at ease and make you feel good. You may also find it beneficial to spend time in places, whether a particular room in your home or a locale outside your house, that improves your mood. Finally, seek out and engage in activities that bring you joy.
When you surround yourself with the people and things you love, you’ll be surprised how quickly like-minded people will enter your life – those who share your positive outlook and enjoy spending their time in much the same way you do. People often say, mistakenly, that opposites attract. But more times than not, when you scratch the surface, only their superficial traits are dissimilar. The truer statement is that like attracts like, and when you like you, others will, too. So divorce yourself, your old self, that is. Guaranteed, it will be the best divorce you’ll ever have.
Be sure to check out “The Pre-Marital Planner (to stay happily married),” the quintessential guide for any woman in search of a real happily ever after. Click here for more details.
Vikki Ziegler is the star of Bravo TV’s Untying the Knot, the founder and CEO of DivorceDating, Author of The Pre-Marital Planner: Your Complete Legal Guide to a Perfect Marriage, and a co-founder of and partner at Ziegler & Zemsky, LLC. To learn more about Vikki, visit www.vikkiziegler.com or follow her on Twitter and Facebook.