Since opening on Christmas Day, Django Unchained has grossed an impressive $68 million at the box office. One of the breakout stars from the new Quentin Tarantino offering is Fritz, the horse that Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz) rides. With his impeccable knack for bowing during introductions -- stealing scenes along the way -- we thought that this would the perfect time to speak to Fritz the Horse.
(Or! today is the first day back in the office after a long holiday break -- a holiday break in which at least two members of the HuffPost Entertainment team contracted flu-like symptoms -- and the biggest movie opening this weekend is a Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake that isn't being screened for critics. So, maybe that's the reason, too. You can take your pick. Also, you're welcome, no one.)
Hello, Fritz, it's a pleasure to meet you. Did you have a nice holiday?
Neigh.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I had assumed that the box office success of Django Unchained would have resulted in good tidings.
Neigh.
Curious. Does this have anything to do with your reported salary versus that of Leonardo DiCaprio's salary?
Neigh.
Wait, they didn't hurt you on the set, did they? I specifically read in the credits that no horses were harmed.
Neigh.
Well, that's good to hear. Hey, is there any chance you'd do that trick for me where you bow your head? It's really cute.
Neigh.
Too bad. There's some controversy surrounding the language in Django Unchained. Do you know what I'm referring to, Fritz?
Neigh.
Well, I don't want to say it.
Neigh?
I see what's going on here - very reminiscent of that Samuel L. Jackson interview. Do I really have to say it?
Neigh.
Django Unchained is packaged as a spaghetti western, but do you feel that the film's accessibility makes the subject of slavery even more horrific?
Neigh.
Oh, interesting. So you're saying that it's the opposite: the film's horrors drive the story, which, in turn, overshadow its spaghetti western façade?
Neigh.
You're right, Fritz, the film may just be too complex for shorthand interpretation. Agree to disagree?
Neigh.
Do you know Joey from War Horse?
Neigh.
Can I feed you a pear?
Neigh.
Were you worried at all about the fiscal cliff?
Neigh.
Yeah, in the end, it did all seem like posturing. Well, it was really nice meeting you, Fritz. Thanks for taking the time today.
No problem.
Mike Ryan is senior writer for Huffington Post Entertainment. He accepts your scorn in advance for this post and wishes you a happy 2013. You can contact him directly on Twitter.