Do famous celebrity couples who are going through a mean divorce or a nasty public breakup ever play anti-biography?
Anti-biography is a word I use to describe a game I once saw people play at a party. It was a simple game. First, you have to pretend like you’re a famous person who is in a celebrity couple relationship that has gone south, and now you’re splitting apart and it is very acrimonious. Second, you have to think of a sentence that is very hurtful and cruel about the person you are breaking up with. Third, this thing you say about the other person has to be very quotable and interesting, so much so that it is guaranteed it will make it into the future biographies that will be written about this person. And fourth (the sadistic part), you have to pretend you are aware of the fact that this will always stay as part of a description of this person and will find its way into biographies written about this person.
I will give you an example. Fictional, of course.
I am Cindy Crawford and I am angry at Richard Gere when we are breaking up. And I say to one entertainment writer: “Being married to him was like being in the movie American Gigolo, minus any sexual ability to want any woman to pay for it.” Or, let’s pretend you are Richard Gere talking about being married to her: “Even the Buddha himself couldn’t imagine such suffering.”
Now, like normal people famous people can say things they do not mean. Or, would never say these words if they were calm. Or, say something very cruel and regret they cannot take it back. Most of the vicious things said are in the moment and often just hurtful emotions. I am very sure that many things meanly said by famous people toward a partner they have broken up with are not acts of sadism or purposefully planned character assassination.
But do any famous people in vicious breakups ever plan and say meanly cruel things in an interesting way so that it will stay with the person? Do they ever play anti-biography? Some might. Some have. Heard the rumor that a certain actress-singer hired a person who could write good quotes to help her create some very memorable sentences against her former true love. Not sure if true, but the venom was there. But let’s hope most of them are above such pettiness.
And I was going to write a section where I showed how some famous people play anti-biography, but I wasn’t ever sure if any of the quotes I was going to use were planned and the person knew these words would stay with the person forever. So I gave them a pass. So I will not be naming quotes said as proof, because even a mean quote would not be proof. We would have to know the motive behind it, which we will never know unless they tell us the motive.
But since we are here, let’s take turns playing anti-biography. And this is all only fictional. So please don’t accidently write they said this, because they didn’t.
Katie Holmes after her breakup from Tom Cruise: “Scientology was the least strange thing about him.”
Elizabeth Taylor after her first divorce from Richard Burton: “Marriage is masochism minus the sex.”
Elizabeth Taylor after her second divorce from Richard Burton: “Nobody told me you can contract leprosy twice and from the same person.”
Burt Reynolds after divorcing Loni Anderson: “Never marry someone with the personality of the Black Plague, even if they are good in bed.”
Jennifer Aniston going through a divorce from Brad Pitt: “He was my apocalypse of all.”
Jenny McCarthy talking about her relationship to Jim Carrey: “On a good day he was a sociopath, on a bad day he was three of them.”
Demi Moore after her divorce from Ashton Kutcher: “Never drink hemlock, even if everyone is longing to taste of it.”