This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

You’re young in spirit, fun, successful, and most importantly, single! There’s only one thing missing in your life – a meaningful relationship. To make matters worse, you are so busy all the time and haven’t been meeting anybody new in your daily routine.

If only you could hire someone too find you a quality partner to walk through life with. A matchmaker you think to yourself. Perfect! I’ve seen the millionaire matchmaker and others like her on television. These matchmakers have plenty of female clients in their forties and will do all the heavy lifting for me. Surely they have at least a few kind, successful, and intelligent guys for me. Right?

Well, not really. The unfortunate truth is, nearly all matchmakers will say just about anything to a potential client before signing them up. And even worse, most of them don’t have actual dates to set their clients up with. In this article I am going to shed some truth on traditional matchmakers and why if you should never hire one, especially if you are a woman over 40.

The Money Factor

Suppose you are 45 years old and you are assured that there are plenty of men within 5 to 10 years of your age in your potential matchmaker’s client base. Sounds great right?

Not so fast. I want you to put yourself in the mind of a man who is 45 to 55 years old, which typically would be within your desired age range. These men have also just paid thousands of dollars to use the same matchmaking service as you.

In normal conditions these men might be extremely excited to meet you if they saw you out and about. But now that they have paid thousands of dollars, the money factor comes into play. Suddenly these same men think that their purchase entitles them to women 10 to 20 years younger who look like models. After all, that’s what they “paid for”

Of course this is completely flawed thinking and utter non-sense. But it’s the reality of what happens in the minds of many wealthy man who throw their bank accounts at a matchmaker. Even worse, most of these men are charged much higher rates than women, which only serves to enhance this flawed way of thinking.

The Other Money Factor

Heightened expectations is not the only way money plays a role in sabotaging the matchmaking experience. When both parties are sitting across from each other knowing that the other person also paid a large fee to find love, it’s human nature to question that person.

You know that you are perfectly normal. But your mind might start to play tricks on you and wonder why they had to hire a matchmaker. And if you aren’t second guessing your date, there’s a strong chance he will be second guessing you.

On the other side of the equation, sometimes matchmakers will recruit non-paying members as your dates for free if they can’t find people to set you up with, only enhancing the awkwardness of the situation. At the end of the day, money sets up women seeking matchamkers to fail in a multitude of ways.

The Flawed Premise of Matchmaking

The idea of hiring a matchmaker to have him or her set you up according to mutual personality traits, needs, and interests sounds great. But the matchmakers simply don’t have the numbers to get you in the right position for love.

This is because finding chemistry is a numbers game and matchmakers typically only provide their clients with 3-5 dates over the course of 6 months to a year. And anyone who has been online dating long enough knows that 2 who often seem like perfect matches on paper, may have zero chemistry upon meeting.

Dating is a numbers game. You will often have to go out on a whole lot of dates with guys who seem like matches on paper before finding the right match. Unfortunately, even if matchmakers were able to find men that don’t have heightened expectations, they often lack the amount of matches necessary to provide the dates women over 40 need, despite what they promise prior too signing up.

The Common Sense Factor

I want to perform a little exercise with you. Think of the last time you met someone who got married via the setup of a traditional matchmaker? Go ahead and span the entire memory of your life. I’ll give you a few seconds.

Still thinking? Odds are I could not only give you a few minutes, but I could give you a few weeks to roam the streets of a big city looking for someone who got married by a traditional matchmaker and you still would not find a single person who has been set up by a traditional matchmaker.

This is because it almost never happens anymore in this day and age. Traditional matchmaking is a dying enterprise that has gone the way of Radio Shack and Blockbuster with it’s relevance to society. The major shift has brought successful singles who are over 40 to the online dating world. This is where you need to shift your focus if you are not active in social groups or activities outside of work.

Joshua Pompey is an online dating expert, and founder of Next Evolution Matchmaking, where he merges traditional matchmaking with the modern world of online dating to create matchmaking experiences that work. Click here to learn more.

Popular in the Community


What's Hot