When it comes to traditional dating advice, we often hear the phrase: opposites attract. Is this actually true or is it our similarities that bring us together? Working with a team of researchers from MIT, NYU and Kellogg and dating scientists from Hinge, one of the most popular dating sites in the US, I sought to answer this question.
We considered characteristics ranging from religious beliefs and education to height and initials. Then we looked to quantify the effects of each of these characteristics on the chances that two people would be attracted to each other.
The research team analyzed data on over 400 million Hinge users and examined how likely people were to match. A match was considered if both people were interested in communicating with each other or if they exchanged contact information to schedule an in-person meeting.
Education
We began by looking at education. Most notably, by cross referencing the schools they went to with education status, such as liberal arts or Ivy League. If opposites attracted, then you’d expect people who went to liberal arts colleges to more likely date people who did not, but there was a clear preference.
If you attended a liberal arts college, there was a 38% increased chance that you would date somebody who also went to one of these schools or institutes of higher education. If you went to an Ivy League school, there was a 64% increased chance that you would date someone that went to another Ivy League.
Religion
So, where does religion fit into all of this? Have we become a society that has thrown faith to the sidelines or do people actually care? When examining every religion, people were 97.5% more likely to exchange numbers when the other person had similar beliefs.
In fact, the smaller the representation of the religion on the app, the greater the desire to match with people of the same faith. When looking at gender, in every religion men were more interested in dating women of the same religion.This held true for every religion except Judaism, in which women were two times more likely to match and exchange contact information with Jewish men. We believe this is due to the Jewish belief that the religious designation passes through the mother.
Names and Initials
How deep does this preference for similarity run? Down to our names. The team examined and compared the initials (first letter of first name and first letter of last name) of potential matches. We found that if those two match, there is a greater than 11.3% percent chance that people will exchange phone numbers.
Of course, no one goes around looking for people with their same initials. But all of us suffer from an implicit egotism━an attraction to the familiar. This is the idea that what reminds me of myself is automatically more appealing, because it is reminiscent of what I already know.
If your name is Marsha Smith and you married a Matt Simon, you wouldn’t say that you fell in love because of his name. However, you may have taken more notice, felt more comfortable and appreciated the familiarity without ever understanding why.
Preference for similarity was so great that it turned out that people that used the same phone type were more likely to date each other. This suggests that if you use an an iPhone, you may be more likely to date another iPhone owner. If you used an Android, you are more likely to date other Android users. Even though there is no way to know what type of phone the other person is using.
Relationship Interest
We separated users based on the relationship interest listed on their profile. Users that were seeking: relationships, dates or something casual. We found that those that were seeking a relationship were 45% more likely to match or exchange contact info. On the other hand, those that wanted something more casual were only 19% more likely to exchange with someone who was looking for the same level of commitment.
The only place where we saw a deviation from the desire for similarity was a little unexpected.
Introverts and Extroverts
When studying introversion and extroversion and its influence on attraction, there was a significant difference. Do those who are quiet prefer dating other introverts or is this the case of opposites attract? To tackle this question, we had to use other data. Since most of those using the app login Facebook, we collected data including friend count, city, age, etc.
It turns out that introverts almost never match with other introverts but rather have a significantly higher rate of matching with an extrovert. Meanwhile, extroverts match to the same degree with other extroverts. The working theory is that you need at least one extrovert in every relationship to start and carry the conversation. In fact, introverted females were two times more likely to date extroverts.
The belief that opposites attract is most likely erroneous. Our findings suggested that in almost every area where there is an opportunity for similarity, people preferred it. Of course, we have outlying desires, and we are not statistics but people with individual preferences. But overwhelmingly, it became clear that people prefer that which is familiar. It would reason that shared background, values and culture makes it easier for long-term relationships to last, and simplifies many of the aspects of raising a family.