photo by Dominik QN on stocksnap.io
What do we do when we are asking Jesus to fix something and it doesn't seem to be happening?
The illness that won't go away, the promotion that hasn't come, the crack that continues to spread through a difficult relationship, the bank account that desperately needs more deposits than debits, the wandering child or won't come home, the grief that remains after debilitating loss, the boss that continues to pour on the heat, blended families that refuse to blend, the ex that won't cooperate, the loved one who just won't listen to good advice, the small business that needs clients, the parents who seem impossible to connect with, the child who is struggling in school, the career change that feels impossible, the spouse who won't forgive and forget...
We can get so focused on what we are asking for, that we forget to see anything else.
Just last week, I got so frustrated with my online business, I wanted to shut the whole thing down. I launched in March 2015 (after a solid decade of prayer and preparation). But last week I felt like I'd been duped... abandoned... and hung out to dry by the One who invited me to take the journey in the first place.
Now I know this is not what Jesus does. He never dupes or abandons, but failure and frustration can turn me into an ungrateful, entitled little snot sometimes. This is especially true when I've worked by butt off and can't see any success from my effort. (Yes, I know success in the spiritual realm is much more than we can see, blah, blah, blah. But sound reasoning was not about to wreck my pity party.)
So I was doing this thing I like to call "complayer." I act like I'm praying. To an observer, I look like I'm praying. But really... I'm just complaining about all the crap I'm not happy with.
Sometimes I just need to vent, and I've discovered it is significantly more useful to vent to Jesus than a human being. This is true for two reasons. One, He won't tell anybody (except His Heavenly Compadres). Two, He is the One who can actually shift the situation or show me how to get my shit together (it's usually a combination of both). I've learned that Jesus can completely handle my "complayers" too. They don't shock Him and He doesn't judge me or stop loving me or try to put me on anti-depressants.
So there I was, "complaying" my heart out, and a question came to me, "Why?"
In my spirit I heard, "Why might I allow this process to unfold at this pace and in this way? What might I be working out in you and for you?"
And in that moment, I realized the long list of assets I have accrued in the adversity.
My trust muscle is much stronger. My courage has come forth. My voice has gotten clearer. My skin has gotten thicker. My resilience is on the rise. My direction is distilling into something more pure and true to who I am.
I don't wait for other people to tell me if I can or can't before I try. I do new things and if they fail, I move on. I'm not as addicted to the approval of others as I once was. I am better at embracing my shortcomings. I can admit and ask for help when I need it. I can let other people live in their own skin without trying to crawl in there with them and control everything. I can endure a sucker punch and still come up swinging.
This is a short list of the things Jesus has been up to while I've been waiting for Him to answer my big picture prayer.
There are many more I can dig for, but it's time for you to go find your's.
Pull that "unanswered" prayer from your pocket; you know the one.
Now ask yourself, "why?"
Why might Jesus be allowing it to unfold at this pace and in this way?
What might He be working out in you and for you while you seem to be "waiting?"
I have a hunch there's more there than you think. So, take time to notice. Then name the assets and say, "thank you" for each one.
I would love to hear what you're uncovering. Leave a comment below.
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