A recurring theme I see in people’s relationship problems is fragmentation. They are not acting and believing in the whole. Designing and building a better dating life is based around believing in bigger and more holistic ideas. I have gone in-depth in to the 90-10 Rule before. Typically, I’ll sit down with someone and they will almost always wax sorrowfully about their single status. Then I ask how ready they actually are for a relationship. After we really drill down and hash out the details, only about 90 percent of them is completely ready for a relationship.
But there is that small trifling 10 percent, buried deep within their subconscious, that is secretly hesitant. It may break down to 5 percent of being fearful and 5 percent of that is loving being single. Whatever the case may be, that 10 percent easily outweighs the 90. That 9 to 1 ratio always yields the same result: They simply don’t want a relationship at the moment. Obliviously, you should not proceed half-heartedly. Only act as a 100% unified heart-mind.
Another common and similar myth is that just because you aren’t in love currently, that love will never exist for you. You can call it recency bias, but what it really is, is self-sabotage. It is the classic condition of missing the forest for the tree in front of you. Just because the overheard light is not currently on in the room I am in, does not mean that electricity does not exist.
From the man who discovered electricity, Nikola Tesla, himself: “If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” Love isn’t a singular easily identifiable thing or entity.
Regardless, many unconsciously and falsely believe that love is confined, it is only for a certain context, for a certain time and place. Having a sexual partner or romantic encounter is not absolutely essentially tied to love. Love is far more universal and expands far wider than those things.
Love is something you have to voluntarily choose to participate in. It is available to you at all times. It transcends a simple physical act. Love the moment and the people in it. Love the people you are with at that moment. Even if it is a terrible date, or being stuck in traffic, or it is a mind-numbing work meeting, seek the love in the moment.
This notion goes beyond flowery self-help or positive psychology. Finding love is an exercise in audacity. It’s what Rosa Parks and Nelson Mandela fought for. Love is a very daring and ballsy force. A force to be reckoned with, yet a wonderful ecstatic emotion, and tender unifier. Love is tough as nails. It is very scary opening yourself up to receiving love. If you have been wounded in the past, like most of us have, it will be even more difficult. But it is the only way to complete the circuit of energy. You need to open yourself up to experience it in order to pass it along to others. When you do this, that is when you find the romance far quicker than others.
It is similar to when I tell people to envision what there ideal looking mate would look like, they tend to start seeing that person turn up everywhere. You are already primed and ready to go. You have the growth mindset vs. static mindset. You are operating out of abundance instead of scarcity.
Typically, the high-achievers will have a love for a life that is truly exceptional. They sink their teeth into every moment, regardless of what is happening or who they are with. You could even call it a lust for life. Don’t just confine love to a place in time or a specific location. Believe in the whole, not just the fragments. Never stop looking for the omnipresent love all around, and it will find its way to you.
Co-Authored by Shawn Richardson. Devon Kerns is a dating and business Coach. You can find more insightful content from Devon at devonkerns.rocks. Follow Devon on Facebook, Twitter, and Soundcloud. Find out what you REALLY want in life and love.