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Does Your Inner Child Want To Control You?

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Are you afraid to open to learning with your inner child for fear that you will discover that you have to change your whole life? Learn why this is a false belief!

Greg was having a problem connecting with his inner child - his feeling self. My experience is that when someone is having a problem connecting with the feelings and desires of their inner child, it is because they have fears of what they will learn if they are open to their feelings. In a phone session, Greg and I explored this.

"Greg, there must be a good reason that you don't really want to know what your inner child is feeling and wanting. Is there something you are afraid of?"

"Yes," he replied. I'm afraid that he is going to want me to do things that I don't want to do. I'm afraid he is going to be demanding of me."

"So you believe that your inner child, which is your feeling self, wants to have control over you?"

"Yes, I'm sure he wants control over me. And you know that I hate to be controlled."

"So when your son was born and cried to be fed or changed or held, did you experience that as his wanting control over you?"

"Oh no, not at all. He was just letting me know what he needed."

"So what is the difference between your son and your inner child?"

"I think that my inner child is more like my son is now. Now at 10 he is often very demanding and I sometimes end up feeling controlled by him."

"Okay, so let's take the analogy of your son and bring it inside. When your son was a baby, he was just being his natural self and expressing his real needs. Now at times he is being his ego wounded self and making demands on you. Inside, you also have your core self and your ego wounded self. But because you are afraid of being demanded of by your wounded self, you are not tuning into your core self, and are therefore ignoring your very real needs. Just as you need to set limits with your son when he being a brat, so you need to set limits with your own wounded self when he is being a brat. But this does not mean that you ignore your son's real needs for caring, attention, compassion, acceptance and understanding. And it doesn't mean that you ignore his needs for help in various areas, or ignore his needs for good food and so on. Yet you continue to ignore your own real core self needs for nurturing, acceptance, compassion, caring, as well as for good food and exercise and rest and playtime. You work him to exhaustion and then wonder why you end up feeling alone and empty."

"So you are saying that while my wounded inner child may be demanding, my core self is not. And I don't need to be controlled by the demands of my wounded self. But what if my core self wants me to just quit my job and go play? Then what?"

"Greg, you are confusing your wounded self with your core self. Your core self would never demand that you become irresponsible to yourself and your family. Your core self just wants an opportunity to express himself, but not at the cost of becoming irresponsible."

"But what if my core self doesn't want to be married and work? What if I really want to just travel around and not be tied down?"

"Your core self is not a part of you that would ever demand that you act in a way that is not in your highest good, a way that is not in alignment with your soul. You would never feel good abandoning your family to just go play, so your core self would never demand this. But you are not going to know this just by my saying it to you. Would you be willing to really open to learning about your feelings and needs and see what happens?"

Greg was willing, and soon discovered that his fears of being controlled by his inner child were totally unfounded. Instead, he was able to start taking loving action in his own behalf and bring much more joy into his life.

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