This dolphin's lover is a real cold fish.
Early Wednesday, io9 posted a video of a dolphin purportedly masturbating with a headless fish. The video -- uploaded by YouTube user alexandros malikides in December -- is old, but the waves (get it?) of shock and horror you're sure to feel will be new and fresh.
On the other fin, at least that fish is dead and not suffering, unlike the scuba divers repeatedly sexually harassed by "Stinky the Loner Dolphin" last year.
If anything, both situations should be added to the long list of arguments against humans having dolphin-assisted births.