Donald J. Drumpf Statement On Banning Canadian Immigration

Donald J. Drumpf Statement on Banning Canadian Immigration
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The notorious "Canada Ted" Cruz has been defiantly engaging in un-American activities for years.
The notorious "Canada Ted" Cruz has been defiantly engaging in un-American activities for years.
Gage Skidmore [CC BY-SA 3.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons

NEW YORK, NY, July 23, 2016: Donald J. Drumpf is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Canadians entering the United States until our country’s representatives can figure out exactly what the hell is going on.

It is clear there is a great hatred towards Americans by large segments of the Canadian population. On Wednesday July 20, for example, a Canadian by the name of Rafael “Canada Ted” Cruz, Jr. entered the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland and unloaded what many witnesses described as a “huge dump on the stage.”

How the Republican Party allowed the notorious “Canada Ted” into the arena is a mystery—especially as this is the same America-hater who had previously cost the US economy $24 billion when he successfully shut down the entire government following a similar stunt in Washington DC.

The failing New York Times will criticize me for saying this, but I’ll say it anyway: CANADA IS NOT SENDING US THEIR BEST! THEY’RE BIEBERS. THEY’RE ROGENS. And once they get here, we have no effective way to track or identify them, unless they inadvertently say “eh” at the end of a sentence. Once they are in this country, Canadians are notorious for disappearing off the radar screen and just when you wonder what they might be up to, they spring a terrifying surprise on the nation, like Ryan Reynolds did with “Deadpool.”

We simply cannot allow Political Correctness to prevent us from speaking out against the harmful activities of Canadians lurking in our midst. They may look like us. They may seem to blend in. For example, I know either Edward Norton or Ryan Gosling is Canadian, but I always forget which one.

Even in God-fearing Indiana, where my running mate Mike Pence has dedicated himself to waging war on the rights of women and the LGBT and Q community, the “Secretly Canadian” record label continues to operate openly.

And here’s a hypothetical: What would happen if a judge with Canadian parents were ever to try a case in which a prominent billionaire and reality TV star was alleged to have scammed a few Canadians out of their life savings?

No way could you trust a hater Canadian judge to give the defendant a fair trial!

Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t help believing that Canadians are starting to hate us. For that reason, until we can determine and understand the Canadian problem and the dangerous threat it poses WE MUST IMMEDIATELY BAN CANADIANS FROM ENTERING THIS COUNTRY! – Donald J. Drumpf (with no help from Meredith McIver!)

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