A Nightmare Scenario: President Donald Trump's Inaugural Address

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With Donald Trump's continued ascendancy among Republicans, Independents and yes, Democrats, it's time to acknowledge the nightmare scenario: a President Trump. Based on his speeches and tweets -- many verbatim quotes -- here is what Trump might say at his inaugural address to the nation.

Chief Justice Roberts, Barack Hussein Obama, Vice President Biden, fellow citizens:

It's morning in America again! I can say that because I think Ronald Reagan liked me a lot more than he liked a lot of other people.

We have more people at this inauguration than have been at all the other inaugurations put together! What a turnout! And hundreds of thousands more who can't get in!

I love you all: the Whites, the Blacks, the Latinos, the Women, the highly educated and the poorly educated! I love the poorly educated! My supporters are amazing. This country is amazing! And frankly, I'm amazing!


I'm honored to be the forty-fifth President of the United States, but I'm not humbled. I'm like a really smart person. I graduated from an Ivy League school. I'm in great shape. My medical exams show perfection. I'm a man of achievement. I'm the greatest representative of Christianity to become President in many years.

So I'm really, really rich. I don't say this in a braggadocios way. I'll be releasing my tax returns in the next few weeks. The media doesn't like that. They're horrible, horrible people.

I'm a product of the American way. Everything I've done virtually has been a tremendous success. Don't listen to critics who point to failed casinos, airlines, steaks and a football team. I've never gone bankrupt. I'm living proof that anyone can become President of the United States.

So today, we'll begin to make our country great again! We'll make our country safe again! Don't believe the media. Half the things they're saying about Kim Jong-un's threats are lies. He's all talk, no action.

We're going to (inaudible). What? A protestor! Get him out! I'd like to punch him in the face. Great job. Those Secret Service guys are so good. Come on up here, fellas. I love these guys. I love the vets. We're going to take care of the vets. I will be phenomenal to the women.

Ivanka says, "Dad people don't really understand how you feel."

I'll show them. Come on up here Melania. Say something to the crowd.

Melania says, "Congratulations to my husband, he was working very hard. And he loves you."

She's actually very smart. I will be appointing very smart people to my administration. Carl Icahn, many more. Stupid people have been running this country. It's disgusting.

So you don't have to ask what your country can do for you. I'll tell you what we're going do. We're going to win so much that you have to beg me, "Mr. President, stop winning; we can't take it anymore."

I'm the great unifier. I'll be the greatest jobs President God ever created. I'll give people choice: They can have healthcare if they're willing to pay for it.

From now on, the United States will be unpredictable. General MacArthur and General Patton didn't talk on television about what they're doing with battles and everything. I'm a great militarist. I know more about ISIS than the generals do. And don't worry about my getting along with Putin; he's a puppy. He said Donald Trump is a genius. I think he meant it.

The Mexicans should be ashamed of themselves for being so vulgar. They'll pay for the wall.

Starting today, China won't be killing us on trade anymore. I'll put Carl Icahn in charge of China. If I tell him, Xi Jingping will drop to his knees.

This gangster Kim Jong-un is a baby-faced bully. He says he's aiming nuclear warheads at this country. He doesn't scare me.

To those Foreign Service Officers who this morning resigned en masse, I say shut the door when you leave. To Congress I say, listen to me, or pay the price!

So this afternoon, I'll begin fulfilling my promises and issue executive orders: Obamacare, gone. Common Core, gone. Iran Deal, gone. Trade deals, gone. Environmental regulations, gone. The Chinese and other countries around the world don't have those environmental rules. By the way I settled the Miss Universe lawsuit. I made a lot of money. Eleven million illegals, gone. Gangs, gone. Drugs in New Hampshire, gone. Oreos, gone.

We're going to bring back the Second Amendment! I'll get rid of gun-free zones in schools, playgrounds and churches. My sons are members of the NRA. They love to hunt. So I'll replace Justice Scalia with someone even better. No more political correctness at the White House. I can promise you, we're going to start saying Merry Christmas again.

Also this afternoon I will instruct Carl Icahn to order the North Koreans to start behaving. If they don't, we'll bomb the shit out of them.

We'll no longer be the laughing stock of the world - that I can promise you!

God bless me. God bless all of you, and God Bless America!

...President Donald Trump and his family, and Vice President Chris Christie and his family, leave the podium as the Army Navy Band plays "Hail to the Chief."

Image courtesy of RosettaBooks

Carol Pogash is editor of the little red book, Quotations from Chairman Trump and an author and journalist. Her stories have appeared in the The New York Times and other publications. Follow Carol Pogash on Twitter @cpogash