A Song For The President-Elect: Donald J. Twitter

Some folks spent January 1, 2017 nursing hangovers and watching college football. I spent it writing a song about President-elect Donald J. Trump and his increasingly dangerous Twitter habit. I'm not sure that my song, Donald J. Twitter, will land me a spot on the bill with Ted Nugent and Kid Rock at Trump's upcoming inauguration, but one never knows.

DONALD J. TWITTER
(M. Farmer)

CHORUS
Hey, Kellyanne, give me my phone
I'm gonna need some time alone
You know I always do my best work on the shitter
And I don't need Meet the Press or my own Gettysburg Address
When I can climb upon my throne
And get on Twitter

VERSE
Let's go to @realdonaldtrump
Where my old brain can take a dump
And talk about the issues of the day
From pathetic SNL to amazing Israel
When I'm on the stump
Just watch me fire away

You know it's anybody's guess
As to when some global mess
Is gonna overwhelm my short attention span
Oh, but I'll be there to tweet; I've gotta give my base red meat
That is unless
I switch to Instagram

REPEAT CHORUS

VERSE
Well, my favorite way to tweet
Is to pick on some elite
And call him lots of kindergarten names
If he's a third-rate loser clown, well, that's the way I'll take him down
Just bring the heat
Until he goes up in flames

And women ain't immune
From the wrath of this tycoon
I've got 140 characters of hate
So if some beauty queen gets fat, I don't grab her by the cat
I just lampoon
Her ever-changing weight

REPEAT CHORUS x2

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