Donald Kenobi; or, May the Deportation Force Be With You

Soon after the colossal reception Donald Trump received after the Milwaukee Debates (according to Trump's handlers attendance was estimated at over 100,000 half of which were in the spin room) and the enthusiastic response to his position on deportation, Mr. Trump was quoted as saying: "You're going to have a deportation force, and you're going to do it humanely," Trump said..."You have millions of people that are waiting in line to come into this country and they're waiting to come in legally. And I always say the wall, we're going to build the wall. It's going to be a real deal. It's going to be a real wall." One can dismiss the apparent avoidance of how that was going to be done as is the case with most everything Trump says and his obsession with building a wall that even Piranesi couldn't fathom; however, not one to dilly and/or dally, Trump immediately decided to organize a conference at Wannsee, a locality in the southwestern Berlin borough of Steglitz-Zehlendorf where Mr. Trump has been considering building a hotel and spa, to discuss how to deport both legal and illegal immigrants and any Middle Eastern refugees out of the United States. Though exact conference details are sketchy, Trump's advisers have outlined a few things associated with such a deportation program. Because such an undertaking would demand enormous expense (between $B400-600) and time (approximately 20 years) to round up and deport over 11 million humans, the deportations would require the coordination of numerous American government agencies including the FBI, CIA, DHS and all local, state and federal law enforcement not to mention the Ministry of Transportation, the State Department and DOJ. Mr. Trump's advisers believe that local police would have to direct the arrests and local deportations along with Department of Transportation which would coordinate all train schedules. Because of the massive number of people, using trains to deport illegals would be the most cost effective way of deportation rather than airplanes which would not be cost effective. These deportations would be designated as "resettlements" of the illegal population from their local residences in the United States to the Mexican-American borders in California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas.

According to Trump advisers, U.S. railroad officials would use both freight and passenger cars for the deportations. In order to cut costs, authorities would only give the deportees one bottle of Dasani water and a bag of Gardetto's Special Request Roasted Garlic Rye Chips for the journey, even if they have to wait for days on railroad spurs for other trains to pass. To ensure the most illegals per car, they would be packed and sealed in freight cars. Overcrowding might be a problem, but it wouldn't be for more than a few days and the intense heat during the summer and freezing temperatures during the winter would be lessened by the fact the trip there would be an HD screen at one end of the freight car. In addition, there would be several buckets in the train cars to be used as a sanitary facilities. The stench of urine and excrement would be lessened by the use of Febrez and other air fresheners as well as some air holes at the top of the cars. For additional safety, armed police guards would accompany the transports; however, they would have orders to shoot anyone who tried to escape. These coordinated deportations would transfer illegals to San Ysidro, CA; El Paso, TX; Lochiel, AZ and Sunland Park, NM from where they would be allowed to cross the border into Mexico after a short duration.
These and other deportation issues will be discussed at the Wannsee Conference which will be slated for January 21, 2016, the day after Mr. Trump will be inaugurated as President of the United States. It's considered by many that a program like this would be the final solution to the problem of illegal immigration and clearly make America great again.