Donald Trump Buys Republican Party; Gifts it to His Wife

NEW YORK CITY (NewS Satire) --

"It's such a beautiful party, I want Melania to have it," said Donald Trump shortly after he bought the Republican Party from its former owner, billionaire Mitt Romney.

"Mitt called me last week, and he told me I had broken the party," said Trump. "Well, I knew what that meant. If I broke it, I had to buy it..."

"Mitt wanted $2 million, but I got a great deal," Trump crowed. "I agreed to build Mitt a new elevator for his cars, plus give him Fifty Bucks. Mitt Romney is a terrible negotiator."

Trump's wife Melania plans some immediate changes. "First, its now going to be called 'The Trumpublican Party'," Melania explained, "Then, we're going to expel both Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio. Just because we can."

Melania has some long term plans, too. "After a few years, we're going to put in a bid for the Democrat Party. Hillary won't want to sell, but Bill will, especially after we beat Hillary twice. Take it from me, we'll get it for peanuts."