Donald Trump Demands Deportation of Paul Ryan

Ahead of their highly anticipated meeting in Washington on Thursday, putative Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has called for the deportation of House Speaker Paul Ryan.

"Forget about him just resigning as chairman of the Republican Convention -- I want him out of the country," said Trump this morning. "And since we'll eventually be deporting eleven million other losers, I don't see why throwing in an extra one is such a big deal."

In a series of tweets at 3:00 a.m., Trump also called Ryan "a bad dude," "not nice," and "House Speaker Jerk Face." He also insinuated Ryan may have been involved in the assassination of President William McKinley and possibly faked the 1969 moon landing, noting, "If you listen closely, 'One giant leap for mankind' sounds a whole lot like Ryan."

Trump also demanded that individual concrete walls be built around Lindsay Graham, Mitt Romney, Ben Sasse, Jeb, George W., and George H.W. Bush, which each will be forced to pay.

According to inside sources, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus and other Republican leaders are quietly exploring last-ditch efforts to stop Trump's nomination, which may include requiring a Republican candidate to amass 1237 California condors instead of delegates, and, failing that, an attempt to re-animate the corpse of Ronald Reagan using microwave diathermy.