Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump said yesterday that he would appoint Judge Judith Scheindlin (aka, "Judge Judy") to the Supreme Court to replace the late Justice Antonin Scalia.
"If TV generals are good enough to give me all the military advice I need, then a TV judge should be perfect for the Supreme Court," said Trump.
"For two centuries, cases have been argued in October, but not decided until June. Judge Judy decides two cases every half hour. She could clear the whole docket in a month. Businessmen love efficiency."
Trump went on to claim that cutting the Supreme Court term would save the country $300 billion. "Judge Judy will want the hearings televised, and we will charge the networks billions in broadcast rights," said Trump. "She's a natural. And, we can make more money by having the Supreme Court judge my beauty pageants."
Former VP candidate and beauty pageant contestant Sarah Palin endorsed Trump's choice. "Judge Judy will be awesome," said Palin. "It's time these so-called Supremes got down to business, and stopped doing all this readin' and writin' that our brave soldiers do not have time for, defending our gun rights that our community organizer president wants to take away, so we can stop all this terrorism, and stand up for our Constitution that guarantees those rights that Judge Judy will keep as she decides."
"Like my late good friend and hunting companion, Antonin, Judge Judy is no-nonsense", said Trump. "She would not waste time hearing from the wrong side. And, she is a beautiful person, beautiful....even more beautiful than Carly Fiorina...[but, not as beautiful as my daughter, if you know what I mean"].
"Judge Judy will put the lamestream media to shame", interjected Palin. "Just wait 'til those cases are on TV".
In other news, Trump declared the age of pandering to AIPAC was over, and he loved Israel as much as he loved the bible. "You can't love Israel without loving the bible, and you can't love the bible without loving Israel", said Trump. "No one loves the bible, no one loves Israel, more than me", said Trump.
Earlier, Trump declared that Israel would have to pay for its weapons system, not receive them as foreign aid. "There's another $300 billion in savings," said Trump.