Donald Trump's 'Winning' Streak Comes To A Screeching Halt Before It Starts

It turns out there's more to politics than "just be Charlie Sheen all the time."

A great man named Donald Trump once said, "I am a whiner, and I keep whining and whining until I win." Sadly, this Churchillian testicular fortitude came to naught on Monday, as the country's foremost wall-promiser and fear-player-onner went down to defeat in the GOP's Iowa caucuses. On this somber occasion, our thoughts turn to an earlier, more innocent time, when Trump never imagined the word "loser" might one day be applied to him.

What's to become of the man who only knows winning? Next stop, New Hampshire! -- but not before a little unexpected humility in Trump's briefest campaign harangue yet. 

Note to our readers: Donald Trump is a serial liarrampant xenophobe, racist, misogynistbirther and bully who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims -- 1.6 billion members of an entire religion -- from entering the U.S.

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