I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of women come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'how can I be a successful woman'?'
And I tell them, look, we know what a successful woman is. But we've had almost twenty years of the worst kinds of women you can imagine. Oh, my God, I can't believe it. These women. Believe me, they're not 10's! They're just not. It's terrible. It's just terrible. You know what, do you know what? Women are probably more like less intelligent males, with a lot of makeup on them. A lot. It's true.
Look, if you want to know what success for women means, do you want to know what success for women means?
I'll tell you.
First of all there's makeup, by the way, I love makeup. It's probably my favorite thing after fake tan, no it's my favorite thing. Trump Foundation. It's in every Trump Hotel. Trump Foundation is by far the most natural, the most pigmented foundation you've ever used. China. A lot of people in China use Trump Foundation. But, the Chinese! They bring their makeup here, but they're not bringing their best. They're bringing makeup with a lot of problems.
And let me tell you. I have experience. Lots of experience. I had over five years of the worst kind of makeup you can imagine. It's terrible. It's just terrible. But now with Trump Foundation, believe me. If I'm being honest, I probably shouldn't say that. I'm proud of it. I've done an amazing job. I'm not doing that to brag, because you know what? I don't have to brag.
If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being really honest. I like successful women. Except for Adrianna Huffington, now she's a successful woman that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that. She's a nice woman, but she's like, 'rights, prejudice, sleep, danger,' on and on, like that. I don't know. She's like a thesaurus! You know what I mean? She's like an encyclopedia! She's a dictionary! I don't know. I mean, you know?
So, we have all these women, and we can judge them and critique them or put them in separate groups. Did you know that? They don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at knowing what a successful woman is than me.
You wouldn't believe it.
This is a work of parody inspired by the wonderful work of Steven Edwards "What's 2 plus 2?" which can be seen here http://www.attn.com/stories/6407/george-takei-impersonates-donald-trump
Sarah Bell is a writer based in Seoul.
She is contactable at www.themscript.com