Donald Trump's Super Awesome Republican Convention Surprise Revealed!

As you may have heard, reality show host and celebrity mogul Donald Trump had a huge (pronounced "yooge") surprise planned for August's Republican National Convention. It was spoiled in advance by Salon's Alex Pareene and subsequently scuttled when the threat of Hurricane Isaac necessitated a massive overhaul of the convention schedule, thus consigning the "surprise" itself to the recesses of our imaginations.

Happily, Trump himself has revealed what the "surprise" consisted of by giving the video he planned for the convention to the "Today" show, which opted to break the news at the end of a segment about Mitt Romney receiving his first national security briefing, because that's what political news is now, I guess -- the sublime and the ridiculous all mashed together without care or consideration.

Thankfully, now that this unseen masterpiece has finally made it out to the public, Terrence Malick can do a moody art-house remake of it or something.

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