Here's Donald Trump's Victory Speech As If He Wrote It Up Himself

"Do I hit good? Do I hit it long? Is Trump strong?"
Donald Trump says it's not his fault that penis jokes became a part of the narrative in the presidential debate. But he wants
Donald Trump says it's not his fault that penis jokes became a part of the narrative in the presidential debate. But he wants you to know his hands are yuuuge.

WASHINGTON -- Donald Trump wants a cage match.

"I want Ted one-on-one," Trump said of Ted Cruz, calling on Marco Rubio to drop out of the presidential race after another dismal performance. He joked that Rubio -- or "little Marco," if you prefer -- will have a harder time than normal calling Saturday night a win since that loser didn't even hit 20 percent in any of the four states holding GOP primary contests.

Trump was speaking at one of his many campaign innovations, as he eschewed his victory speech for a rambling press conference that TV networks carried live.

"I would love to take a few questions from these dishonest people," Trump said to the press. Then, to one guy in the media, "I love you as a reporter."

He had a zinger for Cruz's win in Maine, saying that he should've done well there since it's so close to Canada. (Trump has repeatedly questioned Cruz's eligibility to run based on his Canadian birth.)

And really, why is Rubio still here? "It's time for Marco to clean the deck," he said, adding, "I say that respectfully."

Back to Cruz. Trump argued it would be "easy" to beat him because the Texas senator has no chance in states like New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania and California. He warned the GOP against an independent bid against him, predicting it would get Hillary Clinton elected to the White House.

"I love the Republican party. I love the conservatives," he offered. "I love a lot of people."

Another thought on Cruz's campaign: "Ted is moving along okay."

Wrapping up his victory speech, Trump agreed to take some questions. "I've taken more questions from reporters than almost any human being that's ever lived," he said to one questioner. "I mean, give me a break."

Trump took a minute to comment on the late Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia. "A great man," he said several times. He seemed miffed that part of the reason establishment Republicans don't want him to win the nomination is because they don't trust him to pick a court replacement.

"We're going to appoint a conservative, great judge," Trump said. "Something that will make people in the Republican Party very happy."

For the protesters at his rallies, some of whom have been beaten up and dragged out, Trump said they should feel safe. "We treat them very gently. You know, ten years ago they would have been treated very differently. Not by me, that's just the way life is," he said. "We treat them very, very gently."

A reporter asked Trump about degrading the political process by talking about his penis -- a reference to Rubio commenting last week that Trump has small hands and possibly matching small junk. The crowd booed. "I didn't bring it up. Someone else said Donald Trump has small hands," he said.

"I hit a ball 280 yards. Stand up!" Trump said to a golf pro in the audience. "Do I hit good? Do I hit it long? Is Trump strong?"

"I simply held up the hands," he added. "They're fairly large, actually."

Trump wrapped up his speech and headed to Fox News for a live interview. There, he offered a major concession on how he would operate as president.

"I will certainly be willing to live under the law," Trump said.

Editor's note: Donald Trump is a serial liarrampant xenophoberacistmisogynistbirther and bully who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims -- 1.6 billion members of an entire religion -- from entering the U.S.



Moments From The 2016 Campaign