A new gourmet restaurant has just opened in the White House, called the Osteria Trump. Here is the carte de jour:
APPETIZERS:
Cannelini Trumpetta
A dish of Truscan beans, guaranteed to make you fart, plus the privilege of writing your name on the wall of the White House lavatories: $100,000
Angel Hair Trumpasta
Thin spaghetti and noodles, with an 8x10 photo of Trump's public hair. $10,000.
Megastroni Soup
A quintuple serving of minestrone soup, as you take a quick peek into Trump's 2015 income tax returns. $1,000,000
MAIN DISHES
No-Shrimp Scampi
A seafood dinner with the biggest rascal of the time--photographs included.
$50,000
Asshole Buco
Marrow-filled lamb, including a glimpse into Trump's buco in progress, The Art of the Steal: $100,000
Chicken Scalopenis
Eating a hefty fowl while watching Anthony Weiner expose himself.
$500,000
Spin-Itch Last-onya
A flat pasta for people with sexually-transmitted infections. $500,000
Fried Grouper
A delicacy for the Groper-in-Chief
DESSERTS
Zabalone
An Italian sweet made with egg yolks that you can throw at your favorite lobbyists. $20,000
Pannetone
A sweet bread loaf, eaten by those who disagree with Broadway theatre awards. $20,000
Tiramisu
Marscapone custard and lady fingers which you can apply to any portion of your body. $50,000
Old Sfogliatella
A fashionable lobster lie told to people over seventy. $50,000
AFTER DINNER DRINKS
Liqueurs
Or, better still, let her lick yours. $500,000
Grand Mariner
Only served on the Trump yacht. $500,000
Grappa Di Vinacca
What the Trump doctrine is full of. $0
Cordial.
A drink and attitude not permitted on the Trump yacht or at the Osteria Trump . $0