Donald's New Restaurant

A new gourmet restaurant has just opened in the White House, called the Osteria Trump. Here is the carte de jour:


Cannelini Trumpetta

A dish of Truscan beans, guaranteed to make you fart, plus the privilege of writing your name on the wall of the White House lavatories: $100,000

Angel Hair Trumpasta

Thin spaghetti and noodles, with an 8x10 photo of Trump's public hair. $10,000.

Megastroni Soup

A quintuple serving of minestrone soup, as you take a quick peek into Trump's 2015 income tax returns. $1,000,000


No-Shrimp Scampi

A seafood dinner with the biggest rascal of the time--photographs included.

Asshole Buco

Marrow-filled lamb, including a glimpse into Trump's buco in progress, The Art of the Steal: $100,000

Chicken Scalopenis

Eating a hefty fowl while watching Anthony Weiner expose himself.

Spin-Itch Last-onya

A flat pasta for people with sexually-transmitted infections. $500,000

Fried Grouper

A delicacy for the Groper-in-Chief



An Italian sweet made with egg yolks that you can throw at your favorite lobbyists. $20,000


A sweet bread loaf, eaten by those who disagree with Broadway theatre awards. $20,000


Marscapone custard and lady fingers which you can apply to any portion of your body. $50,000

Old Sfogliatella

A fashionable lobster lie told to people over seventy. $50,000



Or, better still, let her lick yours. $500,000

Grand Mariner

Only served on the Trump yacht. $500,000

Grappa Di Vinacca

What the Trump doctrine is full of. $0


A drink and attitude not permitted on the Trump yacht or at the Osteria Trump . $0