(With apologies to Shakespeare's Pyramus and Thisbe)
DONALD
Oh wall, oh wall, oh sweet and lovely wall,
That I for all illegals have installed,
Thou wall, oh wall, oh thick and brick-filled wall,
I hope my little hands
Can keep you tall.
SHELEGAL
Mr. Donald, oh Mr. Donald,
That would'st not let me
In your hunky land.
Mr. Donald, oh Mr. Donald,
Tear down thy wall
So I can shake thy hand.
DONALD
Here it is then...
SHELEGAL
But that is not my hand!!
DONALD
It's called a grope,
Directed by my fist.
It proves my fervent hope,
As you have no doubt missed,
That I can feel up crotches
And catalogue the parts,
Put other sexy notches,
On the fan belt of my arts.
But once I've found your privates
And groped them through the wall,
I'll go and find some cowboy boots,
And kick you from the hall.
SHELEGAL
You'll have no use, no further use,
No use for me at all?
DONALD
Yes, when I am finished,
Then I'll be done for keeps,
But my lust is undiminished--
Miles to go before it sleeps.
When I have my way with you,
That's when we'll have a ball.
But first I want to play with you,
Before you hit the hall.
Hey! What do you think?
We're missing a link.
I grope the wall's chink
And not your hole at all.
SHELEGAL
But what you're suggesting,
Has women protesting:
A fault called indecent assault.
If you're tempted to paw,
Take a look at the law,
Which can put you in jail
Without bail.
DONALD
The law is for Hillary
And her criminal tales
Of why she continues
To email her emails.
And that's why I built
This towering wall,
So no one would notice
My locker-room gall.
So no one could see
Who I grope and how.
So no media numbskulls
Can kick up a row.
SHELEGAL
And where does that leave me?
DONALD
Beyond US borders.
SHELEGAL
Where you can give orders,
Surround me with warders
Treat me like spillage,
Continue your pillage.
DONALD
And that's what I'll do
When I win this election.
Make sure all my actions
Are screened from detection.
So no one will know,
When I get erections,
Whether I'm fouled
Or free from infections.
I'll pack up the Court
Adding one thing I've sought:
A brand-new amendment,
To be Groper-in-Chief
And not a dependent.
Ain't that a relief?
SHELEGAL
Maybe not a dependent,
How about a defendant?
DONALD
If I am the Prosecutor,
Then who's the defendant?
I'll be Groper-in-Chief,
Not some rascal or thief.
With this land as my fief.
SHELEGAL
But...
DONALD
You deef? No more beefs, right?
And no more uptights, right?
Let's get back to the script,
Into which we've just dipped:
"Oh wicked wall, through whom I see no bliss,
Cursed be thy stones for thus deceiving me."
SHELEGAL
And cursed be the Groper
For first conceiving thee.
CURTAIN