Don’t Blame Bahamians For Your Shitty FyreFest

With people purchasing tickets at 12k this event was literally made to exclude the locals.
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So yesterday we woke up to the shitstorm that is and was FyreFestival. Let’s just have a moment of silence for that short lived piece of mediocrity.

For a minute I thought that it was the universe seeking karmic retribution from rich kids that didn’t know how to say “Good Morning”. People the world over had the time of their lives making fun of these rich and not so financially savvy millennials. Bahamians did too for the same reason and then some.

If you didn’t know about Fyre Festival before yesterday then welcome to the club. The thing is, a good portion of The Bahamas didn’t know what Fyre Festival was, and therein lies one of the first problems. This event was created solely for Americans who wanted to travel but not actually leave America. You know the type. The “Why isn’t this country like the country I just left” type. With people purchasing tickets at 12k this event was literally made to exclude the locals, unless they were actually working the event.

Most Bahamians didn’t know anything about this. The Bahamians on the ground however have assured us that there were no “feral dogs” “abductions” or “primitive islanders” lying in wait of darkness ready to devour the festival goers whole. I’m prone to believe the Bahamians that were there, just because anyone else who paid that amount of money without doing any kind of research doesn’t really deserve to be trusted.

We had fun making fun of these overprivileged festival goers, though. I mean, It was white people doing and saying the absolute most on social media (Bahamians were on the ground to witness it all). But then they started to pin it on the Bahamas like it was some sort of apocalyptic wasteland.

The festival was supposed to happen on Fyre Cay (I don’t know where that is) an island once owned by Pablo Escobar (wrong again it was Carlos Lehder). The place they actually ended up was on the Island of Great Exuma. Which as you probably know by now isn’t a private island.

“That’s white privilege at its height ― no matter how bad you mess up you still get to talk about the future like it exists for you.”

When tourism is your number one product you can’t have events like this just swoop in without the knowledge of the general public and then somehow make it seem as if the country itself is at fault by projecting all of your shortcomings.

Rolling Stone interviewed the cofounder of ShitFest, your boy Billy McFarland and he described how he found the Exumas. Was it a family trip? Nope. Yacht ride with friends? Even better! Fartyboy found out about the Exumas when he took flying lessons from New York ran out of gas and just landed here instantly falling in love. LIKE COLUMBUS. And we all know how awesome that turned out. Just ask the Arawaks.

He went on to say “The Exumas didn’t have a really great infrastructure — there wasn’t a great way to get guests in here — we were a little bit ambitious. There wasn’t water or sewage.”

On the beach fam?! You wanted that stuff on the beach boy? First of all anyone that’s ever hosted a festival or large expo knows that you have to go into the planning prepared to build yourself a city from scratch. That’s from building your own electric grid go straight down. I don’t know if he thought he would find this stuff just lying around on the beach but there you go. Make your assessments as you may.

Before McFartland’s Rolling Stone limelight we saw Ja Rule say how heartbroken and sorry he was but how it wasn’t his fault. Call names then, Ja. Whose fault was it? Because Bobby isn’t apologizing and he wants ya’ll to know that this is happening again next year. That’s white privilege at its height ― no matter how bad you mess up you still get to talk about the future like it exists for you.

I don’t feel sorry for anyone involved other than my poor country that ended up being a backdrop for this financial massacre. Pack up your tuckshop and take it elsewhere.

And stop calling yourselves refugees it’s disrespectful. You flew yourself into your situation and you can fly yourself right back out.

Originally published at on April 29, 2017.