If you aren't familiar with the popular hit Disney film, Frozen, not only have you missed out on a cinematic masterpiece, but you have not experienced the negative consequences that come with concealing your feelings.
Earlier this week on my personal blog, I admitted that I have been having a bit of a personality crisis. My usual chirpy demeanor has been overtaken by a bit of a funk, and I am on a quest to bring happy back!
The choice to share my current crisis with others was one I battled with for a bit. While the actual post was only written a day before I published it, the ongoing war between sharing my secret or not was one that I had been having for weeks. And it wasn't until I told myself that it was going to fine showing weakness that I actually put my feelings into words. Now, back to Frozen...
In the film, sisters Elsa and Anna are very close until Elsa's magical ice powers (Yeah, she produces ice from her hands. It's awesome.) causes Anna to be hurt and have magic removed from her brain permanently. Elsa, in an effort to keep her sister safe, is told to "Conceal, don't feel, don't let it show" when it comes to her magical powers, keeping her fears as her powers grew stronger to herself. And it isn't until she runs up to the North Mountain that she is actually able to be free about the things happening to her. Now, back to me...
At some point in my life someone told me to "Conceal, don't feel" and I took it to heart. So while my brain was conflicted with feelings that weren't the norm and being terrified of what could be happening to me, not a single soul knew what was going on. I have a great support system at home, my parents and my best friends are the most amazing people and I am so lucky to have them in my life. But society tells us not to show our weaknesses, that the best kind of person has no problems whatsoever. So none of them had any idea that I was two inches tall in my mind. I concealed, tried not to feel and didn't let it show.
The choice to finally share my feelings came to me by surprise. I had had it up to here with feeling down and I just wanted to let it out. So I did the one thing I've always done when my emotions are a ruckus. Write. I sat down with my laptop in a comfy chair and poured out everything I had in me. And when I was done, I knew that I needed to share it. People needed to know that the girl behind the blog, the girl behind the text messages back home, was going through a rough time. It wasn't for pity; I don't want that. It was for awareness, for people to know that it is okay to not be okay.
Within an hour of posting "Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program," I wasn't sure why I had hidden for so long. My parents FaceTimed me and they told me all the things a daughter needs to hear when she's 300 miles away and feels off. My best friends sent me messages making sure that I was okay and that they would be there for me no matter what. A fellow HuffPost Teen blogger messaged me on Twitter to let me know I was not alone and what I had done was very brave.
So in the end, I'm glad I decided to stop concealing. It's all right to feel off and not be yourself and ask for the love to make yourself feel better. You shouldn't be ashamed of having problems. Tell people. Let them know. They can help you.
While I am far from a full recovery from my funk, I am no longer hiding behind a fake, cheery exterior that reminds me of nasty imitation cherry flavor. A community surrounds me, both at home and on the Internet, who will continue to support me as I search for my chirpiness. And if I ever have this problem again, I know that letting it show, baring myself to the world, is a great move.
Don't conceal, please feel, and let it show.
Also, reindeers are better than people.