The following article on dating advice was originally posted on the blog for the Bay Area matchmaking service Linx Dating and has been reposted with permission from the author Jordan Schaul.
Sometimes it helps to provide some metaphoric imagery to get our point across when it comes to dating.
Imagine yourself on the African savannah. If you were a male antelope, you might very well be the type to line up alongside other male antelope, in discrete "mini-territories," waiting for females to arrive on the breeding grounds, so that you could court them.
It is not unlike when men line up at a bar waiting for a prospective date to walk through the door. The scientific term for this is called arena or "lekking" behavior. It's a strange word--so it's no wonder that it hasn't caught on, or yet found its way into Urban Dictionary. But a handful of animal species do it, and human males attempt to do it all the time, especially at the bar.
In breeding season, male antelope and males of other species have a few options when it comes to courting potential significant others.
They may defend and protect harems, or guard property and possessions. Some may choose to dominate other males. If those options don't appeal to them, they may choose to "lek", just like you would at the bar. In fact, if you walk in the bar and aren't already accompanied by a bevy of attractive women, didn't just leave your Bentley with the valet, and aren't an alpha male, you may consider it your only option.
And if you do choose to lek, like an antelope, you will have to do your best to look as confident and attractive as possible, while females approach at the bar. You may even have to look like Matthew McConaughey or have game that defies logic to get the attention of women at the bar. Although the lekking or bar option may be of benefit to a handful of species of antelope, fruit bats, and sea lions, it doesn't seem to be working too well for a lot of men out there these days, and it is certainly not an atmosphere in which many of our clients excel.
Yes, many women may converge upon the bar, but meeting them at such a venue rarely leads to something substantial like a relationship. We hear about unsubstantial, and perhaps, sordid flings all the time, but even those are usually few are far between, in reality.
Without getting into too much detail concerning mating systems of the animal kingdom, the occurrence of lekking seems to be density dependent. By that, we mean that finding success by sitting at the bar stool is really a numbers game. Hence, the success of lekking depends on how many men vs. women show up to a given venue. It seems to work as a courting strategy when there are a lot more females than males converging upon a given location. Reality-based TV shows like The Bachelor showcase the benefits from lekking when there are 20 girls to each guy. Real life--not so much!
Most men tell us here at Linx Dating that on any given weekend evening there are usually a lot more men hanging out at bars than women. Even if there are just a few more men than women, the most confident alpha male still has to work really hard to attract and court a prospective mate. This is why lekking at the bar is generally a poor strategy for humans out on the dating scene.
If you are back on the market, we suggest that you extinguish the arena behavior and leave the lekking venue (i.e., the bar) behind. One way to do this is to develop a hobby or passion that draws a particular type of person to an event of mutual interest. Trust us, if antelope had time for hobbies they would much rather lure a date to do something fun and of mutual interest, than try to prove themselves on the one day out of a whole year that the females are in heat.
These hobbies and passions could be literally anything from: coed hiking clubs, coed book clubs, embracing your inner geek with continuing education at Stanford University, or sailing class. Maybe it means sweating your way through regular spin class at Soul Cycle. Bring your A-game and friendly attitude and introduce yourself around the room. If you're a novice at something like spin for instance, admit it, smile, ask for help getting set up, and make new friends. Survey the room and plant yourself next to someone of the opposite sex. Adopt the mentality that he/she might not be "the one" for you but maybe that new spin buddy has friends and can open your world up to new opportunities and connections. You gotta work it and work at it to get ahead in your personal life!
If you have always wanted to learn how to cook or perhaps are already an experienced cook who enjoys learning new techniques and recipes and you live in the Bay Area check out cooking classes through Sur La Table or Dragers Market.
As you make plans this weekend to grab drinks at the local wine room with your single friends, remember to not date like an antelope! Leave the bar behind and try something entirely new. You might very well meet that special someone you never expected!
Linx Dating is a Silicon Valley-based invite-only dating service, which caters largely to tech industry executives in the Bay Area. The exclusive matchmaking service was founded by Amy Andersen a business entrepreneur and dating coach. Ms. Andersen is a self-proclaimed "love concierge" and known as the "Cupid of Silicon Valley".