When my husband and I first started working together, we thought it was going to be the best thing we’ve ever done (besides marrying each other, of course) but what we didn’t’ realize was that it was also going to be the hardest thing we’ve ever done. A few years into running/growing our business we had a much better idea of how hard it was BUT that didn’t stop us from thinking that working with other family members was going to be the best thing as well. Nothing good comes easy so we happily wanted the challenge.
We have now worked with other family members for over 4 years and we can honestly say it’s not for everyone. It’s even harder than working with your spouse…
For us, the family members that we work with are not just our family, you see we complicated our situation more because they are our best friends as well. So here is the list of the 10 do’s and don’ts we have learned over the last 4 plus years since we hired our family:
- DO: Hire because of NEED
There are times where there is a family member who is down on their luck and being family and a good person, you want to help. But if you don’t need anyone, don’t hire. This would only lead to complications within your business which will affect your relationship as well so do yourself and them the favor of not hiring unless you actually NEED to fill a position.
What if you do NEED to hire someone….
DO: Follow your hiring funnel (NO MATTER WHAT!)
We have all heard horror stories of family members feeling more entitled than other employees and/or other employees feeling that family members are shown favoritism. This should NEVER be the case in any business. So, start off the right way and follow your normal hiring process. Family members should fill out an application just like everyone else and follow the same interviewing process etc. This shows your non-family employees that you mean business and no special treatment is needed. Which leads me to….
DO: Hire because they are RIGHT for the job
Ask yourself…. If they were not family; would I hire them for this position? Based on their application, their resume, their interview etc. (You do get a bonus as the employer for this one…. Does their character fit the position?) If there is any doubt that they do not have the skills or the potential for the job, don’t hire. Again, this will save you from complications within your relationship as well as how your non-family employees view you as an employer/leader.
DO: Make sure they fit with the company culture
Company culture is something that should NEVER be overlooked… It’s one of the things that will make your company successful. Think about it… Besides home… where do you spend most of your time? At work! Your company culture becomes a “family” like dynamic all on its own and if a wrench is thrown into a smoothly spinning wheel… Everything stops. When you hire a family member; your wheel shouldn’t stop. It should continue just as smoothly, if not even smoother, faster and more efficient. After all, you’re hiring because of need which means you need the help.
Making sure that this family member gets along within your company culture will be key to not only your success but theirs and your entire company.
DO: Give them ownership of their position
We have established that you’ve hired a family member because you need to fill a position, after following your normal hiring process you concluded that they were the best person for that position and they fit within your company culture! Perfect! Now what…?
Well… this is one of the reasons why it’s hard to work with family. Sometimes we want to avoid confrontation especially when personal relationships are involved but by giving them ownership of their positions (clear job description helps with this), anything personal should be removed from that.
If you don’t let them take ownership of their positions (babying them because you’re afraid of conflict) they can’t thrive… they won’t learn… they won’t want to push for themselves… which does not do them, you or your company any good.
DON’T show favoritism
If you don’t hold someone accountable for their position and responsibilities – It IS a form of favoritism. This causes issues with other employees regardless of whether you are family or not. Showing any kind of favoritism, whether it be ignoring tardiness or absenteeism slide to avoid confrontation etc. creates animosity among employees and also does not reflect very well on your character as a leader. Treat everyone the same. Be consistent with that treatment. Be fair about it.
DON’T take advantage of them!
Being family means that you may feel more comfortable with your family employees but don’t get too comfortable. This can lead you to take advantage of them without you noticing. Asking them to stay later, expecting MUCH more from them than others, asking them to wait on their paychecks or paying them less just because they’re family. Down to not showing them appreciation for what they do when others are shown… because you may think… “They’re family… they should know.” They have no reason to know unless you show it or tell them, just like non-family employees.
DON’T take things personally
As the leader/owner/employer it is YOUR job to make sure that you don’t take things personally. Expectations are most times higher for family-employees than non-family employees but that doesn’t mean they won’t think like other employees. If/when that happens; don’t take it personally. That means they see their position as if they were an employee which is what they are and how you want things to be. You can’t let your feelings get hurt. It is also your job to hone your own feelings and ensure that you are not letting your work relationship affect your personal relationship and if it begins to… know that it’s YOUR responsibility to level it back out which means that you can’t take things personally.
DON’T be afraid to be human
We are all human… regardless of family, friendship, employment etc. we are humans with feelings, emotions, lives, etc. We shouldn’t be afraid of making mistakes, figuring out somethings as they come, dealing with delicate situations with care, etc. The greatest thing about working with family is that when we as leaders make a mistake or didn’t handle something the way we should have; they are the most understanding people. But that should also be true for the rest of your staff….
DON’T be afraid to be honest
Along with remembering that we are all human… being honest with your family about how hard it is to be their boss is sometimes quite healing because you are family.
There was an incident in my own company where both a family and non-family employee were not following procedure. We sat both of them down and wrote them both up together. They both accepted the reprimand and went on with their day…. But I know the family member was quite upset about the situation and I know a personal conversation needed to happen as well…. Remembering the human part… I let this person know with a simple sentence… “This is hard for me too….” That was all it took to get our personal relationship back on track and on a level of understanding. I needed to show that I understood that was hard for them and also be honest about how I felt.
There is no perfect formula for working with family… these are definitely just advice from what has helped us along our journey that have helped to make things go a bit smoother but that doesn’t mean it would work for everyone. The value that I hold on to the most is being fair and making sure that I am not making decisions or jumping to conclusions with only my point of view in mind. You definitely have to bring yourself outside of the box and make sure you are looking in and from all different angles. The success of your business is not the only thing on the line; but the success of your family members as well. What greater reward than to see your family and employees succeed alongside you.