Don't Let the Love Be Taken Out the Door

Here's an idea: When the tree leaves the house, keep the love that came with it.
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Here's an idea: When the tree leaves the house, keep the love that came with it

I lived in a home filled with raised voices and lots of bickering and arguing between my parents.
Now and then there were even down and dirty, drag out fights. I mean, words that hurt, doors that slammed, and even a not kind gesture or two.

Once, my mom plopped a pile of mashed potatoes on my Dad's head at the dinner table. Once, my Dad tore up, in a fit of anger, a fancy dress that he had purchased for my Mom.

Mom and Dad loved each other fiercely. And I think that adjective is not misplaced.

So we learned to live -- my brother and I -- in a household that was forever on edge, always on the brink of some kind of explosion...

. . . except at Christmas time.

Every year, at Christmas, things seemed to inexplicably settle down.

Now, as an adult, I am sure that Mom and Dad just decided: "We're not going to ruin Christmas by arguing and fighting and throwing things around the house. We're just not."

And you could see this decision work. To this day I can recall, as tensions would begin to mount, and just before you could expect my father to raise his voice, Mom would say . . . "Alex, it's Christmas."

And Dad would just blink, and -- just like that -- he'd shift his energy and say nothing.

It worked in reverse as well. If it looked as if Mom was just about ready to let someone have it -- not just my Dad, but even one of us boys -- my Dad would say, "Okay, Anne, okay....c'mon. It's Christmas." And the air would clear as if by magic.

This would go on from after Thanksgiving until just after New Year's. Then, things would get back to normal. The household "truce" was over.

But I had actual proof in my own home that Peace on Earth, goodwill to men...and women...is a CHOICE.

That childhood experience left me with a burning question. I asked my Dad this question myself one year when I was around nine . . .

It was the day that the Christmas tree was taken down and dragged out of the house.

That was always a sad day for me, because, you see, I loved Christmas. I was a very sensitive child, and I loved everything about this time of year...the Christmas tree, the sparkling lights, and the wonderful feeling in the air. Even as I love it today.

But now it was that time again, that sad day when the tree was taken down, and Dad was carrying it through the house and out the back door to the yard, for its cold, cold wait to be taken away and forgotten.

And this particular year I was affected even more than usual. I don't know why, I just was. And so I asked my Father on his way through the kitchen, tinsel falling off the tree behind him, a child's innocent question:

"Daddy...how come, when the tree leaves the house, all the love goes with it?"

My Father stopped in his tracks, looked at me with an expression I'll never forget, then said, as quietly as I ever heard him speak:

"I don't know, son . . . I don't know."

I understand now that all my parents had to do to keep the love in the air was to make the same decision every day that they made when the Christmas tree went up.

So today I am inviting myself -- and each of us -- to embrace "the feeling of Christmas" . . . and then to decide inside that this Christmas is going to last all through next year.

And all through our lives.

There will be times, of course...there may be moments here and there...when this might not happen, I know. We're all human, and we need to be careful not to hold ourselves to super-human standards. But we CAN make a decision at this time that all CAN be "calm," and all CAN be "bright" . . . more of the time...much more of the time...if we make a decision to allow the feeling of Christmas to be "in the air"... Every. Single. Day.

And not leave the house when the tree leaves the house.

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