Saturday afternoon, I came home to find my Clinton-Kaine yard sign gone, missing, vanished, stolen from its perch in my front yard, its metal frame tossed in my driveway to damage my tires.
I envisioned someone lurking in the bushes, ready to jump out and confront me. I was certain the thief had targeted me, because I had flown 3,000 miles to Pennsylvania to register people to vote. They knew that I spent evenings calling to get out the vote. They knew that a few days ago I went to a local high school and talked to students with disabilities about their voting rights. They hacked my email and saw all the messages I received from MoveOn and Daily Kos.
Okay, I know I can get carried away here. Whoever took my sign doesn't know anything about me. They don't appreciate that they violated my first amendment rights and trespassed on my property. They don't care that I was proud to drive up to my house and see that sign and remember my daughter, who fully understood that her right to vote was hard fought and that the rights of people with disabilities need to be protected. She would be proud of me. And she is why the next day I made the one-hour round-trip to purchase another yard sign.
This time, I would protect my sign. My first thought was to spray the sign with an acid that might sting whoever touched it, but there are children and other little critters in my neighborhood. Same argument against circling the sign with barbed wire or topping it with broken glass. And this wasn't the message I wanted to send. Like Michelle Obama said, "When they go low, we go high." I opted for a modest deterrent. Honey. "Sweet," I thought. But the honey dripped down on the N and the T. So I painted the honey with Vicks VapoRub, hoping the mixture of sticky sweetness and the pungent goop would make someone stop and think before they grabbed my sign.
My dog, Rico, watched my handiwork with great interest. He wanted to contribute. I used a little of his gifts to coat the frame. Just at the bottom. You can't see it, but it's there. Rico is all about Hillary.
I planted my sign in the same spot as the first sign and stood back to admire my work. A stranger walked by, someone I had never seen before. I smiled and before I could utter "good afternoon," he came at me with "Are you really going to vote for that criminal?"
My first response was to laugh. I thought he was joking. Who in my quiet neighborhood would be so offensive? Then, it occurred to me he meant it.
"Yup," I said. "I'm a nasty woman and proud of it."
I'll let you know if my sign is there tomorrow.