Doug's Dozen: 12 More Concessions by Hosni Mubarak

Sorry, no time for a video! With millions in the streets of Egypt and the army refusing to fire on protesters, Hosni Mubarak has announced he will not run for reelection as president. Way to face reality, Hos-man! And now, just to keep the rioters happy, here's


1. Will not rename Egypt "Hosniland".

2. Reconsidering demand that Egyptians spend 20 years building him a tomb.

3. Freedom of speech to be guaranteed as long as nobody uses "Mubarak" and "asshole" in the same sentence.

4. Will Facebook-friend anyone who pushes his "Like" button.

5. Calling off project to spray snow on Pyramids and use them as his personal ski slopes.

6. Withdrew his marriage proposal to Natalie Portman.

7. Decided against dyeing Nile hazel-brown to match his eyes.

8. Will not insist that daughter Bristol Mubarak win on "Belly Dancing With the Stars".

9. Providing government-funded backrubs for all tortured prisoners.

10. Will hold off bombing Cairo if Nobel committee promises him the Peace Prize.

11. George Clooney does not have to play him in the movie...will settle for Joe Pesci.

12. As ex-president, will no longer need $2 billion a year from U.S....can scrape by with $1 billion.

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