Downton Crabby

Is it a Yorkshire flu? Low-level mass psychosis? Too much gluten? Or just bad writing? Almost everyone on the show seems to have the pip.

Carson doesn't like anything his wife does, whether it's making his bed or cooking and serving his meals. They must have a grand time doing the nasty (except who would he recommend she consult for tips?).

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Daisy can't stop whining because she thinks Mrs. Patmore is horning in on her own private farmer. And if she fails her exams, Mrs. Patmore will doubtless get the blame.

Downtrodden Baxter looks to be falling back under the spell of the man who turned her into a thief. Well, that'll bring the jolly doleful copper back to Downton for sure.

Barrow would rather suffer accusations and lift his chin for the nth time than just spit out the truth about tutoring Andy. He's apparently not hooked on phonics, he's addicted.

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Lord Grantham et al. love the money they made from the Open House but ooze contempt for the hoi polloi polluting their air. Of course how much they actually made was too delicate a subject to be mentioned even en famille.

The Dowager Countess is so eaten up by pique about being deposed as "President" that she can only launch one snarky riposte. Sic transit gloria Maggie.

Lady Mary sneers at whatever Lady Edith says. Lady Edith sneers at whatever Lady Mary says. After five+ seasons, maybe they should finally take it outside. To the pig farm.

Watching the Crawley women put their evening gloves on and take them off is quickly becoming a Season Six highlight. Well, slowly...

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Lev Raphael is the author of 25 books of fiction and nonfiction.