Stacey Chillemi: Hi Dr. Foster! Can you start by telling us a little about yourself and your book?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: I'm a psychologist and have been doing couples therapy for 28 years. On the side, I like yoga, alternative medicine (a passion!) and Latin and country dancing.
Stacey Chillemi: What inspired you to write your book, "The Naked Truth About Men and Romance?"
Dr. Kathryn Foster: I've seen a lot of women struggling in their relationship. They want more connection. I wrote the book, in part, to offer these women empathy. I also wanted to explain the difference between men's brains and women's brains, so women would know what to expect. By the way, women have amazing brains and, because of that, have so very much to offer our world!
Stacey Chillemi: What's the most important point you're trying to make in your book?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: Our brains are very old. Men and women evolved from opposite jobs: he killed animals and enemies while she gave birth and nurtured children. He had to suspend empathy; she developed it in plenty. He used language in staccato ways to keep animals from fleeing; she taught children and cooperated with other women all day. His testosterone caused him to want to make an impact in the world; her oxytocin made her relational. The upshot: we have to work to understand each other.
Stacey Chillemi: How can a woman stop doing all the work in a relationship... and get a man to appreciate her more?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: He will appreciate her for learning to speak to him in the way he can "get." Most men are very happy to meet a woman's needs; they just don't know what they are or what their role is.
Stacey Chillemi: Is love is all you need to make your relationship succeed?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: A great romance can turn sour if you don't have the understanding to meet the needs of someone quite different than yourself and to ask for what you need. The book helps give you the language to ask.
Stacey Chillemi: What is romance to a guy?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: Men are four times more likely (compared to women) to see sex and emotional closeness as the same thing. Women like sex, too, but see it more as symbolic of the closeness that comes through dialogue.
Stacey Chillemi: What are your current projects?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: Yes! I've written a musical called "This is Hello" about two people with dissociative identity disorder. This summer, my book Past Lives will become available.
Stacey Chillemi: Do you have a website people can visit?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: Summaries of each of my five books appear on booksbyklathrynfosterphd.com, and that site will take you to Amazon to buy them. Please sign up for my free newsletter, too!