Dream Life

Things do not always turn out the way others want them to. Sometimes you mess it up just by being born gay in a small Czech town where you don't have the chance to keep the unwritten rules that have existed for ages, especially the rule that says that you must not be different.


In a small town where everyone knows everyone else and where people themselves decide what is right and what is wrong. Not everyone can fit their definition of an honourable and a worthy citizen. No matter how hard you try.

"Take your pants down and put it in my mouth" (Palackého street, 6 years old, Loc: 49°45'30.315)

Sometimes you just let someone suck you off in the basement of a shabby block of flats when you are six, and your kin hush it up. And you, hoping that someone will understand, confide in your schoolmate. People don't always keep their word. Rumours spread fast and you become the weird one. Your mum buys you a sweater with a pink mouse on that you actually like. Bad choice. Alea iacta est! You have turned into a complete freak! Mockery. Punches. Hunting. Blaming. The beginning of a never-ending story. Fear.

"You son of a bitch!" (Gagarinova street, 8 years old, Loc: 49°45'26.718)

As a gay outcast, you try not to stand out of the line. But you can never succeed. Although you keep behind a locked door and hate yourself quietly, hoping that it will all be over once, the collective memory that yearns to degrade its inferiors always wins. So you watch from the balcony to make sure that the air is clear and you can go to visit your grandma - preferably through a passage between the blocks that is not much frequented by anyone. And if you see a group of boys you cross the street and wait behind the block. Now, you can visit your grandma.

"You faggot, I am changing my clothes! Wanna fuck me?" (Benešova street, 13 years old, Loc: 49°45'14.759)

And then you turn seventeen, standing in front of the mirror, looking at yourself and realizing that you hate yourself. You try to scrape off the stained skin from your face thinking what would they say if you killed yourself. But you are too much of a chicken to actually do that. So you keep on dreaming about escaping into an anonymous city. A Prague movie dream. There is no way you can fail the university entrance test. No thank you! No way!

"I will put my boot in your trap!" (Nerudova street, 14 years old, Loc: 49°45'36.89)

"Look! The girlish guy is coming!" (Gagarinova street, 10 years old, Loc: 49°45'27.732)

"We will beat you up anyway, when you come out!" (Brožíkova street, 14 years old, Loc: 49°45'31.06)

"You green freak!" (Benešova street, 19 years old, Loc: 49°45'11.898)