Easter Bunny to Santa Claus: I'm Sick of Your $h*t

The Easter Bunny publicly admonished Santa Claus today. "You've taken your status as the most beloved folkloric holiday figure for granted. You have abused that position and I will dethrone you."

He continued his address to the crowd, "I know you are hopping mad over this pipe-smoking egghead's behavior. I understand why the populace has grown cynical about folkloric holiday figures -- but if you can think of a better candidate than myself, I'm all ears."

The Easter Bunny continued extolling his own virtues, "I assure you, no child has ever seen me kissing their mommy. I do not know if you are sleeping or awake because I don't watch you like some stalker. I am not morbidly obese, but instead am a strict vegetarian and the model of good health. Even my feet are lucky."

He concluded with a direct warning to Santa, "I, like the public, am sick of your shit. I am not some Little Bunny Foo Foo to be trifled with. So watch yo' back, fat man. I'm coming for you."

Image: Print of La Fontaine's fable of "The Hare and the Frogs," 1867, Gustave Doré (1832-1883), public domain via Wikimedia Commons.