If you’ve let this election ruin your life as much as we have, you won’t be remembering Tuesday night.
The best-case scenario? Your friend tells you Wednesday morning about the way you were hanging off a stranger, pounding your fist to “Fight Song” and screaming “I’M WITH HER!”
Worst case? The cops can’t hold you in the drunk tank anymore because our nation has spilled into chaos.
Either way, it’s been a long, hard election season. Every red-blooded American has earned the right to get obliterated after hearing who our next president will be.
These Election Day drink recipes promise to erase Nov. 8 and the last 15 years of this election cycle from your memory.
- Malt liquor
- Hard cider
- Any other loose alcohol in the area
Mix in 10-liter bucket (or largest container you can find).
“Make America Puke Again”
- Triple sec
- Henry’s Hard Soda
- Clumps of Tang dust
- Recycled candy corn
- Pumpkin zest
- Pig ear (garnish)
- Bacardi 151
Light on fire.
Kiss more awkwardly.
“Mazel Tov Cocktail”
Put On Jay Z’s “No Church in the Wild.”
Pour mixture into pimp cup.
Hang yarmulke off the side.
Throw at Scottie Neil Hughes. Enjoy!
- 5 shots of Patron Silver
- 30-minute data-induced panic attack
- 8 shots of Espolon Silver
Refresh the FiveThirtyEight forecast page to taste.
“Me Llamo Es Tim Kaine!”
- Warm milk
- An uncomfortable amount of mezcal.
Drink until you inexplicably speak perfect Spanish.
“We Have Not Changed Our Conclusions That We Expressed In July”
- 1 part Tuscan white rum
- Splash of crisp riesling
- 3 mint leaves
- Fresh lime juice
- 2 teaspoons sugar
- Salt rim of martini glass
Text your ex: “We’re not done.”
After you realize what you did, text: “Never mind. Forget I said anything. Lol.”