You’re just friends. You love your husband. It’s not like there’s anything going on. It’s not physical. You just get each other -- in fact you help each other understand your own spouses better!
If you’ve found yourself saying any of these things to yourself or anyone else, especially if they’re frequently repeated, you may be smack dab in the middle of an emotional affair. Maybe you’re not fully into infidelity land yet, but if you don’t put a kibosh on it, that may be where you’re headed.
Then again, there are plenty of healthy friendships between members of the opposite sex, so how do you know when you’ve crossed the line from friendship into an emotional affair?
Here are 10 signs your friendship is or is about to become an emotional affair.
1. He is the first thing you think about when you wake up. And the last thing you think about before you fall asleep. And pretty much all the times in between. If he’s dominating your thoughts, you’re crushing -- plain and simple.
2. He’s the first one you want to share good news with. You just got a promotion, or your kid got an awesome award, or you found $20 in the pocket of last winter’s coat, and the first person you want to share it with is him. You’re thinking about him all the time anyway.
3. You text him a lot. There are more text exchanges between the two of you than between you and your husband, your mom, and your two best friends -- combined.
4. You blow off others for him. Maybe you don’t think there’s a problem because you don’t blow off your spouse for him, but if you’re canceling on other friends to hang out with him, you’re probably too close.
5. You start wishing your partner were more like him. Sure, your hubs has a lot of great qualities, but wouldn’t it be great if he were more punctual, or a better dresser, or liked the same movies you did, or… whatever. Comparing your husband to someone else is never a good idea.
6. You plan what you’re going to wear/say/do around him. You want to impress him with your wit, style, intellect, and charm. You find it matters more what he thinks of you than what others do.
7. He just “gets” you. Maybe you have a lot in common, or find yourselves in similar positions in life, or struggling with some of the same issues -- but you just connect on a level that you don’t with anyone else right not.
8. You share secrets you haven’t even shared with your spouse. If you’re confiding in someone of the opposite sex more than you do with the person you’ve promised not to forsake, there’s something more than strict friendship going on.
9. You share secrets about your spouse. Of course, this is all in an effort to better understand why your significant other is the way he is. Helpful tip: Get a therapist. It’s not appropriate to talk to your guy friends about the problems in your marriage.
10. You fantasize about him. Yeah, if you’re wondering what kind of kisser he is, or how much fun vacation with him would be, or what your hypothetical babies would look like if only you’d met him first, you’ve officially crossed the line into emotional affair territory.
Have you ever had to stop yourself from getting too close to a male friend?
More from The Stir:
Betrayed by the One I Loved: 12 True Stories of Cheating
15 Real Reasons Women Gave for Cheating on Their Husbands
Cheating Isn't the Only Problem With Your Marriage
Is This Cheating? 10 Things Besides Affairs That Could Spell Trouble
7 Reasons You Should Forgive 'The Other Woman'