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The Endless Summer Conversation Loop of Suburban Moms

I should know better by now. If I leave my house I'm going to encounter people who bug me.
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I should know better by now. If I leave my house I'm going to encounter people who bug me.

In the last few weeks I've left the house a lot. I've been spending a good amount of time at the pool and the movies and shopping. I encountered many groups of moms clustered in Target aisles, observing swimming lessons and/or waiting for a movie to start. I could overhear their conversations and I realized they talk about the same sh*t. All. The. Time. It didn't matter where I was, it was just variations of the same conversation on a loop. Here's a mashup with all the topics covered:

Mom 1: We're trying to keep Felix engaged this summer. It's so hard since he's in the gifted program.

Mom 2: I know what you mean! Even though we chose not to do the gifted program since it just seems like such a waste of their time when they're this young -- we're still struggling with finding more things for Eugenie to learn about. He's read everything the library has on organic farming, space exploration and algebra.

Mom 3: Oooh... we're very into organic farming this summer. We found a delightful farm just 60 miles from here where you can go and harvest you own food and pay for it by the pound. It's such a great deal. The kids and I spent four hours picking blueberries and I paid 30 dollars. It was only 90 degrees, but we took water and it was wonderful! I took pictures. Do you follow me on Instagram?

Mom 2: When did you find the time to visit the farm? Tennis has kept me soooo busy this summer I barely have time for anything else.

Mom 1: I know what you mean! Alejandro is working my tail off! Thank God, he's literally working my ass off! I'm down a size and I need to be. I'm such a pig this summer. I ate ice cream twice already!

Mom 3: It's strange. I can't seem to keep weight on this summer. I guess it's since I'm running around so much this summer or something.

Mom 1: Lucky you. I have to put in at least 2 hours a day with Alejandro and I still have to watch what I eat.

Mom 2: Please! You're both skinny minis. I'm the biggest of this bunch!

Mom 3: Are you eating gluten free? Since I've cut wheat and processed food from our diets we've all shed weight without trying. It's done wonders for our skin and hair, too. Look at Anastasia! Twice this week I've been stopped in this very Target and asked if she is a model.

Mom 1: Oh I know that feeling! Zebediah has been getting that all week at his virtual reality gaming design camp. It must be so awkward for him when complete strangers are telling him that he could model!

Mom 2: I'm with you on that one. That started for us back when Capri was a newborn! She stops traffic wherever she goes.

Mom 1: Well, it's been great seeing both of you. We must get together soon!

Mom 2: Yes, we should have some time in August after we get back from our cabin in Colorado.

Mom 3: We'd love to try and work something out. Let me know when you two come up with a date and I'll see what we've got going on.

And they sashay out the door.